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Master Of The House |
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Sacha Baron Cohen |
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My band of soaks |
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My den of dissolutes |
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My dirty jokes my always pissed as newts. |
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My sons of whores spend their lives in my inn, |
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Homing pigeons homing in, |
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They fly through my doors. |
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Welcome,monsieur! |
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Sit yourself down. |
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And meet the best innkeeper in town. |
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As for the rest all of them crooks, |
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Rooking the guests and cooking the books. |
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Seldom do you see,honest men like me! |
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A gent of good intent who's content to be. |
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Master of the House! Doling out the charm |
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Ready with a handshake and an open palm |
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Tells a saucy tale Creates a little stir |
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Customers appreciate a bon-viveur |
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Glad to do a friend a favour! |
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Doesn't cost me to be nice |
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But nothing gets you nothing Everything has got a little price! |
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Master of the House! Keeper of the zoo! |
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Ready to relieve them of a sou or two |
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Watering the wine |
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Making up the weight |
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Picking up their knick-knacks When they can't see straight |
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Everybody loves a landlord |
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Everybody's bosom friend! |
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I do whatever pleases Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end! |
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Master of the House! Quick to catch yer eye! |
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Never wants a passer-by to pass him by! |
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Servant to the poor Butler to the great |
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Comforter, philosopher and life-long mate! |
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Everybody's boon companion! Everybody's chaperone! |
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But lock up your valises Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone! |
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Food beyond compare! Food beyond belief! |
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Mix it in a mincer and pretend it's beef |
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Kidney of a horse Liver of a cat |
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Filling up the sausages with this and that! |
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Residents are more than welcome! |
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Bridal suite is occupied! |
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Reasonable charges Plus some little extras on the side! |
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Charge them for the lice Extra for the mice |
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Two percent for looking in the mirror twice |
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Here a little slice There a little cut |
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Three per cent for sleeping with the window shut! |
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When it comes to fixing prices |
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There are lots of tricks he knows! |
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How it all increases! All them bits and pieces! |
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Jesus! It's amazing how it grows! |
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I used to dream that I would meet a prince |
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But, God almighty, have you seen what's happened since? |
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"Master of the House" isn't worth my spit! |
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Comforter, philosopher, and life-long shit! |
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Cunning little brain Regular Voltaire! |
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Thinks he's quite a lover But there's not much there |
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What a cruel trick of nature Landed me with such a louse! |
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God knows how I've lasted living with this bastard in the house! |
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Master of the House! Master and a half! |
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Comforter, philosopher! Don't make me laugh! |
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Servant to the poor Butler to the great |
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Hypocrite, and toady, and inebriate |
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Everybody bless the landlord! Everybody bless his spouse! |
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Everybody raise a glass! |
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Raise it up the master's arse! |
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Everybody raise a glass to the Master of the House! |
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