| [01:03.-2] |
Tongue? |
| [03:29.-4] |
Good. |
| [05:31.-1] |
All right. |
| [06:27.-3] |
Abso-... |
| [07:10.-2] |
He's gonna stay with Julie. |
| [08:23.-1] |
Rachel first. |
| [09:12.-3] |
Okay,let's do Julie. |
| [10:39.-4] |
I just got back... |
| [11:47.-1] |
-Let me get my coat. -Okay. No,hey! |
| [13:22.-4] |
A lonely gray couch. |
| [13:54.-1] |
I do not need to see it! |
| [15:02.-4] |
It's "She's not Rachel"! |
| [16:20.-3] |
Hey! Open up! Please? |
| [16:43.-4] |
Number three: the way you play with your hair when you're nervous. |
| [17:03.-2] |
Oh,yeah. |
| [19:15.-2] |
Anyhow,here's your check. |
| [19:31.-1] |
So it doesn't burn when you pee,does it? |
| [00:04.82] |
Ross kissed me. |
| [00:07.32] |
Oh,my God! Oh,my God! Oh,my God! |
| [00:09.82] |
It was unbelievable! |
| [00:11.39] |
Oh,my God! Oh,my God! Oh,my God! |
| [00:14.69] |
Let's hear everything. |
| [00:16.43] |
Monica,get the wine and unplug the phone. |
| [00:19.36] |
Rachel,does this end well or do we need to get tissues? |
| [00:23.10] |
It ended very well. |
| [00:26.20] |
Do not start without me! Do not start without me! |
| [00:29.34] |
Okay. All right. Let's hear about the kiss. |
| [00:32.18] |
Was it a soft brush against your lips... |
| [00:34.78] |
...or was it a "I gotta have you now" kind of thing? |
| [00:38.88] |
Well,at first it was really intense, you know? And then.... |
| [00:43.22] |
Oh,God. And then we just sort of sunk into it. |
| [00:46.79] |
So was he holding you? Or were his hands on your back? |
| [00:50.63] |
No,actually,first they started out on my waist... |
| [00:54.37] |
...and then they slid up and were in my hair. |
| [01:00.27] |
And... |
| [01:01.44] |
...then I kissed her. … |
| [01:04.08] |
-Yeah. -Cool. |
| [01:53.16] |
All right,check out this bad boy! |
| [01:55.53] |
Twelve megabytes of RAM, 500-megabyte hard drive... 12MGRAM 500MG |
| [01:59.10] |
... built-in spreadsheet capabilities... |
| [02:01.10] |
...and a modem that transmits at over 28,000 BPS. |
| [02:05.27] |
What will you use it for? |
| [02:07.84] |
Games and stuff. |
| [02:11.51] |
There are no jobs. There are no jobs for me. |
| [02:14.41] |
Oh,wait,here's one. |
| [02:16.92] |
-Would you be willing to cook naked? -There's an ad for a naked chef? |
| [02:21.29] |
No,but if you'll cook naked,then you might be willing to dance naked. |
| [02:26.26] |
And then. |
| [02:31.43] |
So how'd you make out last night? |
| [02:37.44] |
That is funny. That is painfully funny. |
| [02:40.14] |
No,wait,wait. … |
| [02:41.81] |
Yeah,that's just painful. |
| [02:44.31] |
Wait a minute. I thought last night was great. |
| [02:47.65] |
Yeah,it was. But I get home... |
| [02:49.75] |
...and I see Julie's saline solution on my night table... |
| [02:53.25] |
...and I think, "My God! What am I doing?" |
| [02:55.79] |
Here I am with Julie, this incredible,great woman... |
| [02:58.89] |
...who I care about and who cares about me... … |
| [03:01.83] |
...and I'm just throwing all that away? |
| [03:04.50] |
You got all that from saline solution? |
| [03:08.00] |
Wait. We're talking about Rachel. You and Rachel. |
| [03:11.50] |
I've been dreaming about me and Rachel for 10 years. |
| [03:14.67] |
But now I'm with Julie. |
| [03:16.64] |
So it's like,me and Julie, me and Rachel. |
| [03:19.74] |
Me and Julie,me and Rach |
| [03:22.48] |
Rachel! Rachel. |
| [03:24.85] |
-Hey,you. -How are you? |
| [03:27.29] |
Good. How are you? |
| [03:30.36] |
-Hi,honey. -Hi,Julie. Hi,Julie? |
| [03:33.76] |
Julie! |
| [03:36.59] |
How are you? |
| [03:37.66] |
Good. |
| [03:39.33] |
So everybody's here. |
| [03:41.87] |
Everybody's good. |
| [03:46.67] |
Were you gonna play something? |
| [03:49.14] |
-Well,actually -Play it! |
| [03:53.28] |
All right. |
| [03:55.15] |
-Julie,I didn't know you wore lenses. -What? |
| [04:00.22] |
Okay. Hi. |
| [04:02.00] |
Hello. Hi. Okay. |
| [04:06.22] |
This is a song about a love triangle... |
| [04:09.53] |
... between three people I made up. … |
| [04:15.40] |
It's called "Two of Them Kissed Last Night." |
| [04:21.64] |
There was a girl We'll call her Betty |
| [04:25.54] |
And a guy Let's call him Neil |
| [04:29.55] |
Now I can't stress This point too strongly |
| [04:33.59] |
This story isn't real |
| [04:39.00] |
Now our Neil must decide Who will be the girl that he casts aside |
| [04:44.00] |
Will Betty be the one Who he loves truly |
| [04:46.40] |
Or will it be the one Who we'll call Loolie |
| [04:53.37] |
He must decide He must decide |
| [04:55.91] |
Even though I made him up He must decide |
| [05:03.01] |
Well,this is a nice resume. |
| [05:06.05] |
Nice,nice,nice. |
| [05:08.52] |
Muy impressivo. |
| [05:11.52] |
Mr. Rastatter,what does this job entail? The ad wasn't clear. |
| [05:16.76] |
Macholate. |
| [05:18.93] |
-I'm sorry? -Macholate. |
| [05:20.47] |
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute. |
| [05:25.94] |
Go ahead,try a piece. |
| [05:27.74] |
We think Macholate is even better than chocolate. |
| [05:41.29] |
I love how it crumbles. |
| [05:43.82] |
-You see,chocolate doesn't do that. -No,ma'am. |
| [05:47.83] |
We should be getting our FDA approval any day now. |
| [05:52.40] |
Hopefully,in time for Thanksgiving. |
| [05:55.10] |
The way we see it, chocolate dominates... |
| [05:57.80] |
...your major food-preparation holidays. Easter,Christmas,what have you. … |
| [06:02.84] |
But given the right marketing... |
| [06:05.14] |
...we can make Thanksgiving the Macholate holiday. … |
| [06:09.18] |
Wow. |
| [06:11.12] |
Aren't you gonna swallow that? |
| [06:13.69] |
Just waiting for it to stop bubbling. |
| [06:16.32] |
Isn't that great? |
| [06:20.29] |
Well,anyhow... |
| [06:21.83] |
...we're looking for chefs who can create Thanksgiving recipes. … |
| [06:25.53] |
You interested? |
| [06:29.27] |
... -lutely! … |
| [06:32.27] |
I love creating recipes, I love Thanksgiving,and now... |
| [06:36.01] |
... I love Macholate. … |
| [06:37.44] |
Really? |
| [06:38.71] |
Especially that aftertaste. I tell you... |
| [06:41.61] |
...that'll last you till Christmas. … |
| [06:48.22] |
How about Macholate mousse? |
| [06:50.19] |
It's not... |
| [06:51.62] |
...very Thanksgiving-y. … |
| [06:53.66] |
How about Pilgrim Macholate mousse? |
| [06:57.20] |
What makes it Pilgrim? |
| [06:58.73] |
We'll put buckles on it. |
| [07:04.07] |
Did Ross call? |
| [07:05.54] |
No,I'm sorry. |
| [07:07.64] |
Why didn't he call? |
| [07:11.81] |
He's gonna stay with her and she'll be: |
| [07:14.18] |
"Hi,I'm Julie. Ross picked me. “ |
| [07:16.68] |
We'll get married and have lots of kids and dig up stuff together!" “ |
| [07:22.42] |
No offense,but that sounds nothing like her. |
| [07:28.03] |
What am I gonna do? This is like a complete nightmare! |
| [07:32.26] |
I know. This must be so hard. "Oh,no! Two women love me! |
| [07:37.74] |
They're both gorgeous, my wallet's too small for my 50s... |
| [07:41.21] |
...and my diamond shoes are too tight!" … |
| [07:45.11] |
-Here's a thought -Don't ever touch the computer. |
| [07:50.11] |
Ross,listen. I got two words for you: |
| [07:53.18] |
Threesome. |
| [07:58.29] |
Let's get logical about this. We'll make a list. |
| [08:01.26] |
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons." “ |
| [08:07.90] |
We'll put their names in different fonts... |
| [08:10.87] |
...and I can use different colors for each column. |
| [08:13.74] |
Can't we use a pen? |
| [08:15.24] |
No,Amish boy. |
| [08:19.04] |
Let's start with the cons because they're more fun. |
| [08:24.82] |
I don't know. |
| [08:26.48] |
I mean.... |
| [08:27.92] |
All right,I guess you can say she's a little spoiled sometimes. |
| [08:32.89] |
You could say that. |
| [08:36.46] |
I guess,sometimes she's a little ditzy,you know? |
| [08:40.80] |
And I've seen her be a little too into her looks. |
| [08:44.40] |
And Julie and I have a lot in common... |
| [08:46.74] |
... because we're both paleontologists,right? … |
| [08:49.84] |
But Rachel's just a waitress. |
| [08:51.91] |
Waitress. |
| [08:53.85] |
Got it. You guys want to play Doom? |
| [08:58.58] |
Or we could keep doing this. |
| [09:02.42] |
What else? |
| [09:04.26] |
I don't know. |
| [09:07.63] |
Oh! Her ankles are a little chubby. |
| [09:13.60] |
What's wrong with her? |
| [09:18.54] |
She's not Rachel. |
| [09:23.94] |
This is pumpkin pie with a Macholate crust. |
| [09:27.04] |
This is Macholate cranberry cake, and these are Macholate-chip cookies. |
| [09:31.05] |
Just like the lndians served. |
| [09:36.69] |
Oh,my God! |
| [09:37.89] |
"Oh,my God" good? |
| [09:39.06] |
Oh,my God! I can't believe you let me put this in my mouth. |
| [09:43.76] |
Sweet Lord! This is what evil must taste like! |
| [09:53.47] |
I tell you,it won't print. |
| [09:56.47] |
I pressed that button,like,100 times. |
| [09:59.38] |
For a hotline,you're not so hot. |
| [10:03.75] |
What is that in the background? |
| [10:05.75] |
Are you watching Star Trek? |
| [10:14.56] |
So did you break Julie's heart? |
| [10:18.40] |
It was horrible. She cried,I cried. She threw things,they hit me. |
| [10:25.77] |
I did the right thing. |
| [10:27.24] |
So Spock actually hugs his father? |
| [10:31.84] |
Hey,do you guys have |
| [10:37.85] |
Where you going? |
| [10:42.52] |
...from Julie's. … |
| [10:46.46] |
No,no. |
| [10:47.79] |
It's not what you think. |
| [10:49.83] |
It's the other thing. |
| [10:58.44] |
Well,what's the other thing? What do I think? |
| [11:03.84] |
Well.... |
| [11:05.31] |
He broke up with Julie! |
| [11:08.15] |
Well,go hug her,for God's sakes! |
| [11:12.68] |
Really? |
| [11:13.85] |
Really. |
| [11:15.89] |
It's always been you,Rach. |
| [11:18.02] |
Oh,God. |
| [11:31.37] |
Oh,this is good. |
| [11:33.17] |
-This is really good. -I know. I know. |
| [11:35.51] |
It's almost.... |
| [11:43.65] |
What do you say we take a walk? Just us. Not them. |
| [11:50.42] |
I'll get your coat. |
| [11:59.23] |
He's going to get my coat. He's going to get my coat,Joey! |
| [12:02.90] |
Joey,I can't believe this! This is unbelievable! |
| [12:07.24] |
-What's that? -What? Nothing! |
| [12:11.84] |
-I saw my name. What is it? -No,no,see? See? |
| [12:15.41] |
It's printing! |
| [12:17.72] |
It's printing! |
| [12:20.58] |
Let me see! |
| [12:22.05] |
Hey,someone order a coat? |
| [12:23.89] |
Chandler wrote something about me and won't let me see. |
| [12:27.43] |
He won't? He won't! |
| [12:31.26] |
Because isn't that... |
| [12:33.10] |
...the short story you were writing? |
| [12:36.27] |
Yes,it is a short story... |
| [12:38.74] |
...that I was writing. … |
| [12:40.20] |
And I'm in it? Let me read it. |
| [12:42.31] |
No! |
| [12:45.64] |
-Come on! -Hey,why don't you read it to her? |
| [12:59.56] |
All right. |
| [13:10.60] |
"It was summer. |
| [13:14.47] |
And it was hot. |
| [13:16.91] |
Rachel was there. |
| [13:26.32] |
'Oh,look!' cried Ned. |
| [13:29.49] |
And the kingdom was his forever. The end!" |
| [13:35.59] |
That's all you wrote? You're the worst writer in the world! |
| [13:40.13] |
This isn't funny anymore. |
| [13:42.00] |
There's something about me on that paper,and I want to see it. |
| [13:46.27] |
No,you don't. |
| [13:49.84] |
All right,fine. If you guys want to be children,that's fine. |
| [14:02.29] |
What is this? |
| [14:03.52] |
That is.... |
| [14:06.46] |
What is this? |
| [14:07.53] |
-Thank you. -Good luck. |
| [14:12.53] |
Okay. Just remember how crazy I am about you,okay? |
| [14:16.30] |
"Kind of ditzy"? “ |
| [14:18.37] |
"Too into her looks"? “ |
| [14:21.07] |
"Spoiled"? |
| [14:22.34] |
A little spoiled. He was supposed to type "little," the idiot! |
| [14:27.38] |
"Just a waitress"? “ |
| [14:30.51] |
Now that was.... |
| [14:32.68] |
I mean,as opposed to.... |
| [14:36.32] |
Okay,is this over yet? Rach? |
| [14:39.42] |
I do not have chubby ankles! |
| [14:43.03] |
No! I |
| [14:44.43] |
Okay,look at the other side. Look at Julie's column. |
| [14:48.43] |
"She's not Rachem"? “ |
| [14:51.37] |
What the hell's a Rachem? |
| [14:53.07] |
Is that a stupid paleontology word... |
| [14:55.34] |
... I wouldn't know, because I'm just a waitress? |
| [14:58.24] |
Rach,come on! |
| [15:04.05] |
She's not.... |
| [15:13.86] |
My diary! Brilliant! |
| [15:15.43] |
If I'd said it was my diary, she wouldn't have made me read it. |
| [15:19.46] |
That's true. You'd be a great person to have around after an emergency. |
| [15:25.57] |
I cannot believe Ross even made this list. |
| [15:28.14] |
-I know. -What a dinkus! |
| [15:31.81] |
Hey,cut him some slack. It was Chandler's idea. |
| [15:35.31] |
What? |
| [15:36.81] |
Oh,good. I was hoping that would come up. |
| [15:40.55] |
This was your idea? |
| [15:42.15] |
Let's get some perspective here. These things happen for a reason. |
| [15:46.79] |
Yeah. You! |
| [15:49.89] |
Pheebs,back me up. You believe in that karma crap,don't you? |
| [15:54.83] |
By the way,good luck in your next life as a dung beetle. |
| [16:16.02] |
Rach! |
| [16:22.66] |
When somebody does not buzz you in, Ross,that means,"Go away." |
| [16:26.80] |
It doesn't mean, "Climb up the fire escape." |
| [16:29.27] |
I just want to read you your "Pro List." |
| [16:32.30] |
Not interested. |
| [16:35.44] |
"Number one: the way you cry at game shows. |
| [16:39.18] |
Number two: how much you love your friends. |
| [16:47.18] |
Number four: how brave you are for starting your life over. |
| [16:51.29] |
Number five: how great you are with Ben. |
| [16:54.63] |
Number six: the way you smell." |
| [16:59.53] |
What are you doing? |
| [17:01.13] |
You want to open the window? |
| [17:05.57] |
-What are you doing out there? -I'm.... |
| [17:08.17] |
You must be freezing. You know what you need? |
| [17:10.87] |
How about a nice,steaming cup of hot Macholate? |
| [17:18.18] |
Come on,open up. |
| [17:20.65] |
Rach,come on. You gotta give me another chance. |
| [17:24.00] |
No. |
| [17:25.89] |
-No? -That's what I said. |
| [17:28.19] |
Maybe we should go. |
| [17:29.53] |
You don't have to go. We're done. |
| [17:31.83] |
I know how you must |
| [17:33.56] |
No! You don't,Ross. |
| [17:35.90] |
Imagine the worst things you think about yourself. |
| [17:40.04] |
How would you feel if the person you trusted most in the world... |
| [17:44.44] |
... not only thinks them too... |
| [17:46.34] |
... but actually uses them as reasons not to be with you. |
| [17:50.51] |
No,but see,I want to be with you in spite of all those things. |
| [17:55.85] |
Well,that's mighty big of you. |
| [17:58.76] |
I said,don't go! |
| [18:03.43] |
You know what? |
| [18:04.90] |
If it were the other way around,there is nothing you could put on a list... |
| [18:09.93] |
...that would make me not want to be with you. … |
| [18:13.37] |
Well,then I guess that's the difference between us. |
| [18:16.77] |
See,I'd never make a list. |
| [18:34.93] |
I never know how long to wait in this situation before you can talk. |
| [18:41.60] |
Maybe a little longer. |
| [18:48.57] |
In these recipes, the quantities may seem unusual. |
| [18:51.91] |
Like these coconut Macholate holiday nut bars? |
| [18:55.11] |
I've indicated four cups of coconut and four cups of nuts... |
| [18:58.42] |
...and only one tablespoon of Macholate. … |
| [19:02.82] |
Doesn't matter. |
| [19:05.36] |
Our FDA approval didn't come through. |
| [19:08.09] |
Something about laboratory rats. |
| [19:12.13] |
Gosh,I'm sorry. |
| [19:13.36] |
Yeah. |
| [19:18.10] |
Thank you for all the trouble you went through. |
| [19:20.94] |
Listen,you didn't eat a lot of it while you were cooking,did you? |
| [19:25.18] |
Well,I ate some. |
| [19:26.88] |
Oh,some is fine. Some is not a lot. |
| [19:51.87] |
Is that him again? |
| [19:53.50] |
Tell him I'd come to the phone, but my ankles are weighing me down. |
| [19:59.81] |
I don't think this is the best time. |
| [20:02.18] |
Look,can you do something for me? |
| [20:05.32] |
Sure. What? |
| [20:10.65] |
All right. |
| [20:15.23] |
Music? |
| [20:17.03] |
Sure. |
| [20:25.17] |
The next one's dedicated to Rachel from Ross. |
| [20:28.37] |
Rachel,he wants you to know he's sorry for what he did... |
| [20:31.44] |
...and he hopes you can forgive him. … |
| [20:34.61] |
See the stones set in your eyes |
| [20:39.22] |
See the thorn twist in your side |
| [20:43.75] |
I'll wait for you |
| [20:52.53] |
Sleight of hand and twist of fate |
| [20:56.53] |
On a bed of nails she makes me wait |
| [21:01.47] |
And I'll wait without you |
| [21:06.11] |
We've just gotten a call from Rachel and she told us what Ross did. |
| [21:11.22] |
It's pretty appalling. And,Ross,if you're listening... |
| [21:14.42] |
...I don't want to play your song anymore. … |
| [21:22.83] |
Why don't we devote our time to a couple that stands a chance? |
| [21:25.93] |
Avery,Michelle's sorry she hit you with her car... |
| [21:28.57] |
...and she hopes you two will work it out. |
| [21:31.64] |
There's a room where |
| [21:34.44] |
I can go … |
| [21:38.08] |
And tell my secrets to |
| [21:43.81] |
In my room |
| [21:50.32] |
In my room |
| [22:04.94] |
Thanks for coming in again. |
| [22:07.14] |
Not at all. I have no morals, and I need the cash. |
| [22:10.44] |
It's like I'm looking in a mirror. |
| [22:13.48] |
Anyway,they're called Fish-tachios. |
| [22:17.68] |
They taste exactly like pistachios... |
| [22:20.52] |
... but they're made of reconstituted fish bits. |
| [22:24.02] |
Here,try one. |
| [22:26.66] |
-All right. -You're not allergic to anything? |
| [22:29.69] |
Cat hair. |
| [22:30.73] |
Oh,sorry. |
