| [00:37.-4] |
Go up to her and say, "I'm returning your egg." |
| [00:45.-3] |
-It's insane. -She'll love it. - |
| [02:31.-3] |
I said I'd bring a friend for her friend. |
| [05:14.-3] |
I'd take crying any day over Howard,the "I win" guy! |
| [07:06.-2] |
So if you want,I have a bag with just your heads. |
| [13:41.-2] |
And I have the receipt from my dinner with.... |
| [17:16.-1] |
Some greeting cards. |
| [18:51.-2] |
I just don't think things are gonna work out. |
| [23:09.-2] |
It's easy for you to say. You found one already. |
| [00:02.31] |
Ross,she wants you. |
| [00:04.55] |
We just live in the same building. |
| [00:07.59] |
-Any contact? -She lent me an egg. - |
| [00:10.12] |
-You're in! -Right. - |
| [00:14.69] |
Hey,Ross. |
| [00:22.07] |
Come on. Get back in the game. |
| [00:25.00] |
The Rachel thing isn't happening, your ex-wife's a lesbian.... |
| [00:30.01] |
I don't think we need a third. |
| [00:32.41] |
Could we get an egg, still in the shell? |
| [00:35.78] |
An egg? |
| [00:42.39] |
I think it's winning. |
| [00:48.56] |
-Thank you. -Thank you. Here. |
| [00:54.50] |
Go with the egg,my friend. |
| [00:58.77] |
Go,go,go! |
| [01:03.14] |
-Think it'll work? -No way. It's suicide. - |
| [01:07.21] |
The One With The Candy Hearts |
| [01:56.56] |
-You can't do this. -Do what? - |
| [01:58.93] |
-Roger wants to take her out. -No! Remember why you dumped him? - |
| [02:04.40] |
Because he was creepy. |
| [02:07.01] |
And mean. And frightening. |
| [02:09.11] |
Still,it's nice to have a date on Valentine's Day! |
| [02:14.25] |
You can go out with a creep any night. |
| [02:17.48] |
I know I do. |
| [02:22.19] |
-What are you doing tomorrow night? -That depends on how tonight goes. - |
| [02:27.63] |
-About tonight -Don't you bail on me! - |
| [02:34.73] |
-But her friend sounds like a -Pathetic mess. I know,but.... - |
| [02:39.60] |
Come on. She's needy,vulnerable. |
| [02:42.44] |
I'm thinking.... |
| [02:48.91] |
Thanks. |
| [02:50.88] |
You haven't been out with a woman since Janice. You're doing this. |
| [02:57.82] |
-She said yes. -Way to go,man! - |
| [03:02.83] |
Still got the egg,huh? - |
| [03:18.31] |
How do I look? |
| [03:20.78] |
I don't care. |
| [03:26.18] |
There's Lorraine. |
| [03:28.45] |
No trading. You get the pretty one, I get the mess. |
| [03:32.32] |
Hi,Joey. |
| [03:36.79] |
Well,well! Look what you brought! |
| [03:40.47] |
Very nice. |
| [03:42.90] |
And what did you bring? |
| [03:46.54] |
She's checking her coat. |
| [03:48.57] |
I'm gonna wash the cab smell off of my hands. |
| [03:52.14] |
Get me a white zinfandel, and a glass of red for Janice. |
| [04:00.79] |
Janice? |
| [04:03.79] |
Janice!? |
| [04:06.56] |
Oh... |
| [04:07.89] |
... my... … |
| [04:09.49] |
...God! … |
| [04:14.70] |
Hey,it's Janice! |
| [04:23.07] |
Okay,I'm making a break for it! |
| [04:25.78] |
I've been waiting for,like,forever to go out with Lorraine. |
| [04:30.65] |
-Just calm down. -Calm down? |
| [04:33.08] |
You set me up with a woman I've dumped twice in the last five months! |
| [04:38.46] |
Can you stop yelling? You're making me nervous and.... |
| [04:45.20] |
I can't go when I'm nervous. |
| [04:48.03] |
I'm sorry,you're right. |
| [04:54.07] |
Come on! Do it,do it! |
| [04:59.01] |
Roger was creepy,but he was nothing compared to Pete. |
| [05:03.01] |
-Who? -Pete the Weeper |
| [05:05.22] |
The guy that used to cry every time we had sex? |
| [05:09.25] |
"Was it good for you?" |
| [05:18.43] |
"I win! I win!" “ |
| [05:21.87] |
We went out for two months. I didn't win once. |
| [05:25.94] |
How do we end up with these jerks? |
| [05:29.61] |
We're some kind of magnets. |
| [05:32.64] |
I know I am. That's why I can't wear a digital watch. |
| [05:39.22] |
There's more beer,right? |
| [05:44.29] |
You know my friend who shaves her head? |
| [05:47.46] |
No. No. |
| [05:48.63] |
I have this friend who shaves her head. |
| [05:52.03] |
She says to break the bad boyfriend cycle... |
| [05:55.17] |
...you can do a cleansing ritual. |
| [06:00.07] |
Pheebs,this woman is voluntarily bald. |
| [06:05.24] |
Yeah. |
| [06:07.18] |
We can do it tomorrow night. |
| [06:10.01] |
It's Valentine's Day. It's perfect. |
| [06:12.42] |
Okay,what kind of ritual? |
| [06:14.82] |
We can burn the stuff they gave us. |
| [06:19.79] |
Or...? |
| [06:21.53] |
Or we can chant and dance around naked with sticks. |
| [06:29.63] |
Burning's good. |
| [06:41.11] |
You know... |
| [06:42.88] |
... I can pick up quarters with my toes. |
| [06:47.59] |
Yeah? Good for you. |
| [06:53.16] |
Quarters or rolls of quarters? |
| [07:01.80] |
By the way,I cut you out of all of my pictures. |
| [07:11.04] |
That's okay. |
| [07:13.18] |
You could make little puppets out of them. |
| [07:17.05] |
And you could use them in your Theater of Cruelty! |
| [07:23.32] |
-We can't do that! -What? What can't you do? - |
| [07:31.36] |
Can I talk to you for a second? Over there? |
| [07:41.04] |
We might be leaving now. |
| [07:43.91] |
Tell me it's you and me "we." |
| [07:47.11] |
She wants to slather my body with stuff and lick it off. |
| [07:51.35] |
I'm not even sure what slathering is! |
| [07:54.59] |
But I definitely want to be a part of it! |
| [07:58.59] |
Okay,you cannot do this to me. |
| [08:02.73] |
You're right. I'm sorry. |
| [08:05.20] |
Can we have three chocolate mousses to go? |
| [08:10.30] |
I'm out of here. |
| [08:13.64] |
Here's my credit card. Dinner's on me. |
| [08:17.41] |
I hope she throws up on you. |
| [08:22.05] |
Thanks. |
| [08:25.48] |
-So.... -Just us. |
| [08:28.65] |
What a crappy night! |
| [08:31.29] |
I have enjoyed the fact... |
| [08:34.00] |
...that your shirt's been sticking out of your zipper. |
| [08:43.70] |
Excuse me. |
| [08:48.24] |
How you doing? |
| [08:54.88] |
So do we have the best friends, or what? |
| [08:58.62] |
Joey's not a friend. He's... |
| [09:03.00] |
...a stupid man who left us his credit card. |
| [09:07.63] |
Another drink? Dessert? A big-screen TV? |
| [09:11.63] |
-I'll have a drink. -Got it. Good woman! - |
| [09:20.74] |
-A bottle of overpriced champagne. -Each. - |
| [09:24.14] |
That's right,each. And a rob roy. |
| [09:28.15] |
I've always wanted to know. |
| [09:48.07] |
Happy Valentine's Day! |
| [09:59.71] |
Oh,I miss you already. |
| [10:03.81] |
-Can you believe this happened? -No,no! - |
| [10:08.59] |
And yet it did. |
| [10:11.16] |
-Goodbye,Janice. -kiss me! - |
| [10:16.19] |
Oh,Chandler. Sorry. |
| [10:18.60] |
Oh,Chandler. Sorry! |
| [10:23.20] |
-Hey,Janice. -Hi,Monica. - |
| [10:25.67] |
Well,this was very special. |
| [10:29.91] |
Rach,come see who's out here! |
| [10:33.14] |
What's going on? Oh,my God! |
| [10:36.35] |
Janice! Hi! |
| [10:38.92] |
Janice is gonna go away now! |
| [10:43.59] |
I'll be right back. |
| [10:46.79] |
Joey! Look who it is! |
| [10:53.00] |
Good. Joey's home. |
| [10:54.77] |
This is so much fun! |
| [10:57.37] |
This is like a reunion in the hall! |
| [11:02.57] |
Ross,there's someone I want you to say hi to. |
| [11:08.01] |
He happened to call. |
| [11:09.61] |
Hi,Ross. That's right,it's me! How did you know? |
| [11:29.70] |
So,if dogs experience jet lag... |
| [11:33.67] |
... because of the seven dog years to one human year thing... |
| [11:38.21] |
...when a dog flies from New York to Los Angeles... |
| [11:41.78] |
... he doesn't just lose three hours, he loses a week and a half. |
| [11:49.29] |
That's funny! |
| [11:59.56] |
They should be cooking the food soon. |
| [12:02.60] |
Oh,good. oh, |
| [12:14.11] |
Who are they? |
| [12:15.68] |
The blond is my ex-wife. The woman touching her is her... |
| [12:21.55] |
...close,personal friend. |
| [12:26.12] |
-They're lovers? -lf you want to put a label on it. - |
| [12:33.63] |
-Anything else I should know? -Nope. That's it. - |
| [12:38.04] |
Oh,and she's pregnant with my baby. |
| [12:44.31] |
I always forget that part. |
| [12:48.58] |
Hello! Hello! |
| [12:56.15] |
Now we need sage branches and the sacramental wine. |
| [13:03.23] |
All I had is oregano and a Fresca. |
| [13:06.63] |
That's okay! |
| [13:12.70] |
Now we need the semen of a righteous man. |
| [13:22.25] |
If we had that,we wouldn't be doing the ritual in the first place. |
| [13:27.92] |
-Can we start throwing things in? -Yeah,okay! - |
| [13:35.19] |
Okay. Barry's letters. |
| [13:38.13] |
Adam Ritter's boxer shorts. |
| [13:49.11] |
-A picture of Scotty Jared naked! -Let me see! - |
| [13:52.84] |
-He's wearing a sweater. -No. - |
| [14:01.09] |
-Whose MCl card is that? -Mine. Shoot! |
| [14:04.26] |
Remember this number: Nine,seven,four.... |
| [14:10.39] |
Okay,and here we have the last of Paolo's grappa. |
| [14:14.33] |
Wait,isn't it almost pure |
| [14:21.21] |
How can I dump this woman on Valentine's Day? |
| [14:25.21] |
I don't know. You dumped her on New Year's. |
| [14:29.35] |
In my next life, I'm coming back as a toilet brush. |
| [14:35.09] |
Hello,funny valentine! |
| [14:38.69] |
Hi,just Janice. |
| [14:41.39] |
Hello,Joey,our little matchmaker. |
| [14:44.50] |
I could just kiss you all over, and I'm gonna. |
| [14:52.74] |
If you don't do it,I will. |
| [15:15.43] |
-So are you actually from New York? -Not originally. I'm from - |
| [15:21.13] |
-You said they'd shoot it without you. -I thought they could. - |
| [15:25.44] |
The maxi-pads were a piece of cake. Mini-pads should be that much easier. |
| [15:31.54] |
-It's Valentine's Day. -I know,but it's my job. - |
| [15:35.68] |
I'll try to get back as soon as I can. |
| [15:39.12] |
I'm spending most of my time teaching science... |
| [15:42.42] |
...which is funny because that wasn't even my major. |
| [15:58.34] |
Now,that is funny! |
| [16:03.64] |
Do you think it would be too weird if I invited Carol over to join us? |
| [16:09.15] |
Because she's alone now. And pregnant. And sad. |
| [16:14.92] |
-I guess. -Are you sure? Carol! |
| [16:19.06] |
-Wanna join us? -No,I'm fine. - |
| [16:22.09] |
Come on. These people will scooch down. |
| [16:26.50] |
You guys will scooch,won't you? Let's try scooching! Come on! |
| [16:32.10] |
-Come on. -Thank you. |
| [16:36.51] |
IKristen Riggs,this is Carol Willick. Carol,Kristen. |
| [16:40.91] |
-How do you do? -Carol teaches sixth grade. - |
| [16:45.08] |
And Kristen.... |
| [16:50.69] |
IKristen does something... |
| [16:54.56] |
...that,funnily enough... |
| [16:58.13] |
...wasn't even her major! |
| [17:03.67] |
-Thanks for coming over. -Not at all. It's pretty much our job. - |
| [17:08.37] |
That's why we get the cool hats. |
| [17:11.34] |
-What do we got there? -A piece of sik boxer shorts. - |
| [17:19.22] |
A half-charred picture of.... |
| [17:22.00] |
That guy's hairier than the chief! |
| [17:28.06] |
It's a really funny story how this happened. |
| [17:32.16] |
I was taking out the trash, and Phoebe was burning incense |
| [17:37.67] |
It's all right. |
| [17:39.24] |
This isn't the first boyfriend bonfire we've seen get out of control. |
| [17:45.01] |
-Third one tonight. -Really? - |
| [17:47.54] |
Valentine's is our busiest night of the year. |
| [17:53.75] |
Next time you're burning your ex-boyfriend's stuff: |
| [17:57.29] |
One,do it in a well-ventilated area. |
| [18:00.39] |
Two,if you wanna burn his clothing, stay away from synthetic fabrics. |
| [18:05.76] |
Three,try to let go of the anger, and learn to love yourself. |
| [18:13.54] |
-I brought you something. -ls it loaded? - |
| [18:20.84] |
Oh,little candy hearts. "Chan and Jan Forever." |
| [18:27.52] |
I had them made special. |
| [18:33.42] |
Okay,Janice. ok, |
| [18:38.43] |
Hey,Janice. |
| [18:42.83] |
There's no way to tell you this. |
| [18:45.34] |
At least,there's no new way. |
| [18:56.48] |
That's fine. |
| [19:01.59] |
It is? It is? |
| [19:03.62] |
Because I know that this isn't the end. |
| [19:09.19] |
You see,actually,it is. |
| [19:11.86] |
No,because you won't let that happen. |
| [19:14.90] |
Don't you know it yet? |
| [19:16.90] |
You love me,Chandler Bing! |
| [19:24.04] |
Oh,no,I don't. |
| [19:26.31] |
Why do we keep ending up together? New Year's,who invited who? |
| [19:31.52] |
-Valentine's,who asked who into bed? -I did,but - |
| [19:35.72] |
You seek me out! |
| [19:37.49] |
Something deep in your soul calls out to me like a foghorn! |
| [19:42.73] |
Janice! Janice! |
| [19:46.80] |
You push me away, you pull me back! |
| [19:51.27] |
You want me. You need me. |
| [19:54.04] |
You can't live without me. And you know it. |
| [19:59.34] |
You just don't know you know it. |
| [20:07.78] |
See? |
| [20:15.69] |
Call me! |
| [20:25.54] |
It's not true. I never called your mother a wolverine. |
| [20:29.81] |
You did so,I swear to |
| [20:36.18] |
How long has she been in the bathroom? |
| [20:39.52] |
She isn't in the bathroom. Her coat's gone. |
| [20:42.92] |
Well,maybe it's cold in there. |
| [20:47.42] |
I screwed up my first date in nine years. |
| [20:50.86] |
-That could be it. -Oh,God. - |
| [20:54.63] |
You know,this is still pretty hot. |
| [21:01.74] |
Mushroom. |
| [21:04.34] |
Smile. |
| [21:06.61] |
They won't all be like this. Some might stay through dinner. |
| [21:11.35] |
-I'm sorry. That's not funny. -It's just.... - |
| [21:14.75] |
You know the whole "get on with your life" thing? |
| [21:18.52] |
Well,do I have to? |
| [21:21.02] |
I'm sitting here with this cute woman... |
| [21:26.10] |
...and she's perfectly nice,but that... |
| [21:31.57] |
...that's it. |
| [21:33.74] |
Then I'm here talking to you, and it's easy and it's fun. |
| [21:38.94] |
And I don't have to.... |
| [21:41.78] |
-I know. -You know? |
| [21:47.48] |
Here's a wacky thought. |
| [21:50.82] |
Let's say you and I give it another shot. |
| [21:54.69] |
I know what you're gonna say. You're a lesbian. |
| [21:59.30] |
But what do you say we just put that aside for now. |
| [22:04.40] |
Let's just stick a pin in it. |
| [22:07.27] |
Because we're great together. You can't deny it. |
| [22:13.54] |
I've got a ring at home that fits you. |
| [22:17.68] |
I've got lots of pictures with both of us in them. |
| [22:22.72] |
And best of all, you're carrying my baby. |
| [22:27.12] |
-I mean,how perfect is that? -Ross - |
| [22:30.00] |
You keep saying that,but there's something right here. I love you. |
| [22:42.47] |
I love you too. |
| [22:45.88] |
-But -No "but." - |
| [22:49.51] |
You know that thing we put over here with the pin in it? |
| [22:55.69] |
It's time to take the pin out. |
| [23:04.80] |
You'll find someone. The right woman is waiting for you. |
| [23:14.30] |
All you need is a woman who likes men, and you'll be set. |
| [23:21.41] |
Not her. |
| [23:35.29] |
So,you guys really slide down a pole? |
| [23:41.87] |
-Absolutely. -That's so cool. - |
| [23:46.57] |
How do you get back up? |
| [23:51.01] |
Well,we rarely have to return from a fire as quickly. |
| [23:58.68] |
So,would you guys.... |
| [24:01.52] |
Would you like to,sometime,maybe.... |
| [24:06.59] |
Go for a drink sometime? |
| [24:08.76] |
Sure,sounds good. |
| [24:10.33] |
We get off at midnight. We'll pick you up then. |
| [24:13.86] |
Okay. Great! |
| [24:16.50] |
So will you bring the truck? |
| [24:21.57] |
I'll even let you ring the bell. |
| [24:24.37] |
-We'll see you later. -Bye! See you later! |
| [24:29.38] |
Oh,my God! |
| [24:31.82] |
See? There you go. The cleansing worked. |
| [24:34.79] |
You're right. They're nice guys! |
| [24:38.02] |
They're firemen guys! |
| [24:42.06] |
-Tell them you're married? -No. My girlfriend doesn't even know. - |
