| [02:41.-2] |
I know. |
| [02:54.-4] |
He doesn't have anyone. |
| [03:10.-2] |
Put the kids to bed for this one. |
| [04:21.-2] |
Back to the book. What is this about you being arrested in London? |
| [06:49.-4] |
You watched the show. What did you think? |
| [08:03.-3] |
When I read Euphoria at Midnight, I wanted to become a writer. |
| [08:25.-1] |
Yeah,any messages for room 226? 226 |
| [09:49.-2] |
-PIease. -No,really. - |
| [10:23.-2] |
I'II just pee in the street. |
| [11:54.-3] |
Well,not in the same way. |
| [16:07.-1] |
Rachel,can we do this now? |
| [16:18.-3] |
Now,you tell me she's not a knockout. |
| [18:14.-2] |
...doesn't mean you know her. You can't talk to her. |
| [20:17.-3] |
The car's waiting. I just wanted to drop off my book for your friends. |
| [23:57.-1] |
Wait,I just got to the part about her "public hair. " |
| [00:01.25] |
Do you think they have yesterday's Daily News? |
| [00:04.25] |
I just wanna check my horoscope, see if it was right. |
| [00:08.65] |
Oh,my God! Don't Iook now. Behind you there's a guy... |
| [00:12.56] |
...who can break our hearts and plunge us into depression. |
| [00:18.30] |
Come to mama. |
| [00:20.60] |
He's coming. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. |
| [00:23.30] |
-Nice hat. -Thanks. - |
| [00:26.14] |
-We should do something. Whistle. -I' m not whistling. - |
| [00:28.94] |
Come on,do it! |
| [00:30.18] |
Do it. Do it. Do it. Do it. |
| [00:37.82] |
I can't believe you did that. |
| [00:41.09] |
The One With Mrs. Bing |
| [01:28.03] |
-It's all my fault. -No,it's mine. - |
| [01:30.84] |
Why did I whoo-hoo? |
| [01:32.70] |
Was I hoping he'd turn around and say... |
| [01:35.21] |
... " I Iove that sound. I must have you now"? …“ |
| [01:39.11] |
I wish there was something we could do. |
| [01:44.52] |
Hello,coma guy. |
| [01:47.55] |
Get up,you Girl Scout! Up,up,up! |
| [01:49.82] |
What are you doing? |
| [01:51.29] |
Maybe nobody's tried this. |
| [01:56.00] |
I wish we at Ieast knew his name. |
| [01:58.53] |
I hate that they're calling him John Doe. |
| [02:01.47] |
It's so sad. It's Iike he's a deer, a female deer. |
| [02:05.77] |
Oh,I was gonna stop. |
| [02:09.54] |
Look at that face. |
| [02:11.48] |
Even sleeping he Iooks smart. |
| [02:13.88] |
Yeah,but the dents in his knuckles mean he's artistic. |
| [02:17.82] |
Okay. He's a Iawyer who teaches sculpting on the side. |
| [02:22.22] |
And he can dance. |
| [02:24.52] |
And he's the kind of guy who, when you're talking,he's Iistening... |
| [02:29.03] |
... not saying," I understand "... |
| [02:31.03] |
... but really wondering what you Iook Iike naked. |
| [02:36.57] |
I wish all guys could be Iike him. |
| [02:47.25] |
You don't even know this guy. |
| [02:49.35] |
Are there no conscious men in the city for you two? |
| [02:55.45] |
We feel kind of responsible. |
| [02:58.29] |
I can't believe you said "whoo-hoo. " |
| [03:01.46] |
I don't even say "whoo-hoo. " |
| [03:03.26] |
Oh,she's coming up. oh, |
| [03:05.00] |
When we return,we 'll talk with the always interesting Nora Tyler Bing. |
| [03:12.27] |
Don't watch this. Weekend at Bernie 's is on Showtime and HBO. |
| [03:16.04] |
No way. |
| [03:17.51] |
-She's your mom. -Exactly. Weekend at Bernie 's. - |
| [03:21.38] |
Dead guy getting hit in the groin 20,30 times. |
| [03:26.22] |
I gotta tell you, I Iove your mom's books. |
| [03:29.65] |
I can't get on a plane without one. This is so cool. |
| [03:32.56] |
You wouldn't think so if you were 1 1... |
| [03:35.23] |
...and your friends were passing around page 79 of Mistress Bitch. |
| [03:39.93] |
I remember page 79. |
| [03:42.73] |
The thing after the opera with the girl with the trick hip? |
| [03:49.64] |
I Iove your mom. I think she's a blast. |
| [03:52.14] |
That's because she's not your mom. |
| [03:54.21] |
Oh,please. She's the |
| [03:55.75] |
Hi,sweetie. |
| [03:59.45] |
When did " Rigatoni " get back from Rome? |
| [04:03.72] |
-Last night. -Really? |
| [04:05.29] |
So,his plane didn't explode in a big ball of fire? |
| [04:08.79] |
Just a dream I had. |
| [04:11.03] |
But,phew! |
| [04:13.46] |
Hey,she's on. |
| [04:17.90] |
Nora Bing. |
| [04:25.81] |
Your mom was arrested? |
| [04:27.61] |
I'm busy beaming with pride. |
| [04:30.42] |
This is kind of embarrassing... |
| [04:33.25] |
...but occasionally,after I've been intimate with a man... … |
| [04:37.00] |
Why would she say that's embarrassing? |
| [04:40.36] |
...I just get this craving for kung pao chicken. … |
| [04:43.83] |
That's too much information. |
| [04:49.93] |
Needless to say,he got a huge tip. |
| [04:56.81] |
Oh,God,I Iove her! oh, |
| [04:58.51] |
I think I' m having a stroke. |
| [05:02.28] |
So how is your book tour going? |
| [05:05.25] |
Oh,fine. I'm leaving for New York tomorrow,which I hate. |
| [05:09.52] |
But I get to see my son,who I love. |
| [05:13.52] |
This is the way that I find out. Most moms use the phone. |
| [05:17.66] |
Don 't take this wrong,I just don 't see you as a mom. |
| [05:21.80] |
-I don 't mean that bad. -Oh,no. I'm a fabulous mom. - |
| [05:26.34] |
I bought my son his first condoms. |
| [05:34.35] |
And then he burst into flames. |
| [05:45.42] |
Let's see. Congress is debating a new deficit-reduction bill. |
| [05:50.00] |
The mayor wants to raise subway fares. The high today was 45. |
| [05:55.83] |
And teams played sports. |
| [06:24.60] |
What about GIen? |
| [06:26.43] |
He could be a GIen. |
| [06:27.90] |
Not special enough. |
| [06:30.34] |
How about Agamemnon? |
| [06:32.74] |
Way too special. |
| [06:42.88] |
I'm famished. What do I want? |
| [06:45.48] |
PIease,God,don't Iet it be kung pao chicken. |
| [06:52.00] |
I think you need to come out of your shell. |
| [06:57.50] |
What is this dive? |
| [06:59.46] |
Only you could've picked this place. |
| [07:02.43] |
Come on. Shut up. It's fun. Give me a hug. |
| [07:06.00] |
I heard about the divorce. Lesbian,huh? |
| [07:10.84] |
Well,you know what they say: Be careful what you wish for. |
| [07:18.18] |
-I think we' re ready for some tequila. -I know I am. - |
| [07:21.22] |
-Who's doing shots? -Hit me. - |
| [07:23.42] |
There you go. Ross? |
| [07:25.19] |
I' m not really a shot-drinking kind of guy. |
| [07:27.89] |
Hi. Sorry we' re Iate. |
| [07:29.76] |
We kind of just,you know, Iost track of time. |
| [07:35.53] |
But a man can change. |
| [07:43.21] |
Anyone want me to appraise anything? |
| [07:56.49] |
Well,I' m gonna go to tinker-town. |
| [07:59.56] |
Mrs. Bing,I've read everything you've written. |
| [08:07.23] |
Oh,please. If I can do it,anybody can. |
| [08:10.44] |
Start with half a dozen European cities... |
| [08:12.77] |
...throw in 30 euphemisms for male genitalia... |
| [08:15.71] |
...and you've got yourself a book. |
| [08:19.44] |
My mother,Iadies and gentlemen. |
| [08:29.45] |
-You okay,slugger? -Oh,yeah. I' m fine. |
| [08:45.30] |
What is with you tonight? |
| [08:47.17] |
Nothing. Nothing,nothing. |
| [08:50.61] |
Okay,thank you. |
| [08:55.18] |
It's the Italian hand-Iicker,isn't it? |
| [08:58.25] |
No. It's the one he's Iicking. |
| [09:01.82] |
She's supposed to be with you. |
| [09:04.52] |
You' re good. |
| [09:06.69] |
I have sold 1 00 million copies of my books,and you know why? |
| [09:11.93] |
The girl on the cover with her nipples showing? |
| [09:16.87] |
No,because I know how to write men that women fall in Iove with. |
| [09:22.14] |
I cannot sell a Paolo. |
| [09:24.28] |
People will not turn 325 pages for a Paolo. |
| [09:27.65] |
Come on. The guy's a secondary character. |
| [09:31.05] |
He's just a complication you eventually kill off. |
| [09:35.62] |
When? |
| [09:39.06] |
He's not a hero. |
| [09:42.09] |
You know who our hero is? |
| [09:44.00] |
The guy on the cover with his nipples showing? |
| [09:47.30] |
No,it's you. |
| [09:50.67] |
Come on. You' re smart. You' re sexy. |
| [09:53.74] |
-Right. -Yes,you are. |
| [09:55.61] |
The fact that you don't think you are makes you sexier. |
| [09:59.41] |
Come on,kiddo. You' re gonna be fine,believe me. |
| [10:34.25] |
Is Chandler here? |
| [10:35.81] |
Wait. Come here. |
| [10:38.58] |
Okay,about Iast night... ok, |
| [10:41.15] |
...you know... |
| [10:42.25] |
... Chandler,you didn't tell.... |
| [10:44.49] |
We don't need to tell Chandler. It was just a kiss. No big deal,right? |
| [10:49.09] |
Right. No big deal. |
| [10:51.16] |
In bizarro world. |
| [10:56.27] |
You broke the code. |
| [10:57.67] |
-What code? -You don't kiss your friend's mom. - |
| [11:00.84] |
Sisters are okay. Maybe a hot-Iooking aunt. |
| [11:04.61] |
But not a mom. Never a mom. |
| [11:09.88] |
What are you guys doing out here? |
| [11:12.08] |
Joey and I had discussed getting in an early morning racquetball game. |
| [11:17.12] |
But apparently somebody overslept. |
| [11:22.09] |
Well,you don't have your racquet. |
| [11:24.30] |
No. No,I don't because it's being restrung. |
| [11:27.26] |
Somebody was supposed to bring me one. |
| [11:30.64] |
Well,you didn't call and Ieave your grip size. |
| [11:35.94] |
You guys are spending way too much time together. |
| [11:41.81] |
I' m scum. I' m scum. |
| [11:43.55] |
-How could you Iet this happen? -I don't know. - |
| [11:46.25] |
It's not Iike she's a regular mom. |
| [11:48.39] |
She's sexy. She's.... |
| [11:50.39] |
You don't think my mom's sexy? |
| [11:56.79] |
I'II have you know,GIoria T ribbiani was a handsome woman in her day. |
| [12:02.13] |
You think it's easy giving birth to seven children? |
| [12:07.41] |
Okay,I think we're getting into a weird area here. |
| [12:12.84] |
What are you doing here? |
| [12:15.75] |
Not playing racquetball. |
| [12:19.72] |
-He forgot to Ieave his grip size. -He didn't get the goggles. - |
| [12:25.92] |
Sounds Iike you two have issues. |
| [12:31.53] |
Goodbye,baby. |
| [12:35.07] |
Do they wait for me to do this? |
| [12:43.44] |
-Are you gonna tell him? -Why would I tell him? - |
| [12:46.84] |
If you don't,his mother might. |
| [12:50.58] |
What are you guys doing here? |
| [12:53.42] |
He's not even wearing a jock strap. |
| [13:01.39] |
What did I ask? |
| [13:17.81] |
What are you doing here? |
| [13:19.64] |
Nothing. I just thought I'd stop by,you know,after... |
| [13:23.05] |
...that I,you know. |
| [13:24.48] |
So,what are you doing here? |
| [13:27.42] |
I' m not really here. |
| [13:29.45] |
I just thought I'd drop these off on the way. My way. |
| [13:36.39] |
Do you come here a Iot... |
| [13:40.06] |
...without me? |
| [13:41.47] |
No,no,no. |
| [13:46.90] |
Do you think he's doing any better than he was this morning? |
| [13:51.81] |
How would I know? I wasn't here. |
| [13:54.58] |
Really? Not even to change his pajamas? |
| [14:02.05] |
Oh,my God. |
| [14:03.29] |
You're my friend. I had to tell you. |
| [14:06.32] |
I can't believe it. |
| [14:09.03] |
Paolo kissed my mom? |
| [14:11.73] |
I don't know if you noticed, but he drank a Iot. |
| [14:15.13] |
I mean,you know how he gets |
| [14:19.57] |
I can't do this. I did it. |
| [14:21.74] |
It was me. I' m sorry. I kissed your mom. |
| [14:24.71] |
What? |
| [14:26.21] |
I was upset about Rachel and I had too much tequila,and Nora... |
| [14:31.22] |
... Mrs. Mom,your Bing,was... |
| [14:35.00] |
... being nice. But nothing happened. |
| [14:37.56] |
Nothing. Ask Joey. |
| [14:39.06] |
-Joey came in -You knew about this? - |
| [14:42.23] |
You know,knowledge is a tricky thing. |
| [14:45.83] |
Why didn't you tell me? |
| [14:48.40] |
You're Iucky I caught them,or else who knows what would've happened? |
| [14:52.40] |
Thanks,man. Big help. |
| [14:54.54] |
What the hell were you thinking? |
| [14:56.94] |
I wasn't. I don't know. I |
| [14:59.14] |
No one knows the crap I go through with my mom more than you. |
| [15:02.71] |
-I know. -I can't believe you did this. - |
| [15:05.22] |
-Me neither. -I' m mad at you too. - |
| [15:07.75] |
-Why are you mad at me? -Let me slam the door. - |
| [15:11.62] |
I didn't kiss her. See what happens when you break the code? |
| [15:29.21] |
"A Woman Undone, by Rachel IKaren Greene. " “ |
| [15:32.44] |
I thought I'd give it a shot. I'm on the first chapter. |
| [15:36.05] |
Do you think his "Iove stick" can be "Iiberated from its denim prison"? |
| [15:42.72] |
Yeah,I'd say so. |
| [15:45.26] |
And there's no "J " in "engorged. " |
| [15:53.90] |
-You going to the hospital tonight? -No. You? - |
| [15:56.93] |
No. You? |
| [16:00.91] |
You just asked me. |
| [16:03.14] |
Maybe it was a trick question. |
| [16:11.12] |
I am so hot. |
| [16:14.65] |
Here's my mom and dad on their wedding day. |
| [16:22.36] |
-I can't believe this conversation. -Just try to picture her not pregnant. - |
| [16:29.13] |
Central Perk is proud to present Miss Phoebe Buffay. |
| [16:34.87] |
Thanks. |
| [16:38.14] |
I'd Iike to start with a song about a man I recently met... |
| [16:43.08] |
...who's come to be very important to me. |
| [16:51.26] |
You don 't have to be awake To be my man |
| [16:57.23] |
Long as you have brain waves I'll be there to hold your hand |
| [17:03.63] |
Though we just met the other day |
| [17:06.07] |
There 's something I have got to say |
| [17:10.64] |
Thank you very much. I' m gonna take a short break. |
| [17:16.08] |
That was Phoebe Buffay,everybody. |
| [17:20.78] |
-What the hell was that? -Phoebe just started - |
| [17:23.75] |
I was talking to Joey. AII right,there,mother-kisser? |
| [17:32.76] |
" Mother-kisser. " |
| [17:35.83] |
I'II shut up. |
| [17:37.33] |
I know you' re still mad at me... |
| [17:40.04] |
... but there were two people there that night. |
| [17:43.37] |
-There were two sets of Iips. -I expect this from her. - |
| [17:46.84] |
She's always been a Freudian nightmare. |
| [17:49.51] |
Then why don't you say something? |
| [17:52.85] |
Because it's complicated. It's complex. |
| [17:56.12] |
You kissed my mom. |
| [18:01.46] |
We' re rehearsing a Greek play. |
| [18:05.13] |
That's funny. Are we done now? |
| [18:07.06] |
You mean you' re not gonna tell her how you feel? |
| [18:10.53] |
Just because you played tonsil tennis with my mom... |
| [18:17.41] |
Okay. "You can't"? Or you can't? |
| [18:21.01] |
Okay,that's my finger. |
| [18:22.71] |
Okay,that's my knee. |
| [18:25.52] |
Still doing the play. |
| [18:35.53] |
What did you do with him? |
| [18:41.40] |
-You're awake. -Look at you. - |
| [18:43.50] |
How do you feel? |
| [18:45.67] |
A Iittle woozy,but basically okay. |
| [18:47.94] |
Gosh,you Iook good. |
| [18:50.07] |
I feel good. |
| [18:52.74] |
Who are you? |
| [18:54.45] |
-Sorry. -I'm Phoebe. - |
| [18:56.25] |
I' m Monica. I've been caring for you. |
| [18:59.02] |
We both have. |
| [19:00.32] |
-The Etch A Sketch is from you? -Actually,me. - |
| [19:03.59] |
-I got you the foot massager. -I shaved you. - |
| [19:06.52] |
-I read to you. -I sang. - |
| [19:11.03] |
Well,thanks. |
| [19:12.70] |
-Oh,my pleasure. -You' re welcome. - |
| [19:15.13] |
So I guess I'II see you around. |
| [19:19.27] |
What? That's it? |
| [19:21.57] |
"See you around " |
| [19:23.47] |
-What do you want me to say? -I don't know. - |
| [19:26.78] |
Maybe... |
| [19:28.31] |
... "That was nice. " |
| [19:29.88] |
" It meant something to me. " |
| [19:32.48] |
" I'II call you. " |
| [19:35.09] |
-Okay. I'II call you. -I don't think you mean that. - |
| [19:41.79] |
This is so typical. |
| [19:44.13] |
You know,we give and we give... |
| [19:47.00] |
...and we give. |
| [19:48.80] |
And we just get nothing back. |
| [19:51.17] |
And then one day,you wake up, and it's,"See you around. " |
| [19:57.31] |
Let's go,Phoebe. |
| [20:00.74] |
You know what? We thought you were different. |
| [20:04.38] |
But I guess it was just the coma. |
| [20:21.17] |
Autographed. And give you a goodbye kiss. |
| [20:25.10] |
Here's the kiss, here's the goodbye.... |
| [20:28.41] |
-Anything you want from Lisbon? -Just knowing you' re there is enough. - |
| [20:33.34] |
AII right. Well,be good. I Iove you. |
| [20:39.75] |
You kissed my best Ross. |
| [20:44.19] |
Or something to that effect. |
| [20:52.86] |
Look,it was stupid. |
| [20:55.00] |
-Really stupid. -Really stupid. - |
| [20:59.54] |
I don't even know how it happened. |
| [21:02.27] |
I' m sorry,honey. I promise it will never happen again. |
| [21:07.14] |
Really,really stupid. |
| [21:09.15] |
Really,really stupid. |
| [21:12.75] |
-Are we okay now? -Yeah. - |
| [21:15.59] |
No. |
| [21:22.06] |
The forbidden Iove of a man and his door. |
| [21:27.06] |
He told her off. And not just about the kiss. |
| [21:30.53] |
You're kidding? |
| [21:31.80] |
He said,"When are you gonna start being a mom? " |
| [21:35.44] |
Then she said: |
| [21:36.84] |
"The question is,when are you gonna realize I have a bomb? " |
| [21:43.35] |
Are you sure she didn't say: |
| [21:45.42] |
"When are you gonna grow up and realize I am your mom? " |
| [21:52.59] |
-That makes more sense. -You think? - |
| [21:56.89] |
What's going on now? |
| [21:58.80] |
I don't know. I've been standing here spelling it out for you. |
| [22:04.37] |
I don't hear anything. Wait. |
| [22:06.44] |
What do you see? |
| [22:07.70] |
It's hard to tell. They're tiny and upside down. |
| [22:10.34] |
Wait,wait,wait. |
| [22:11.88] |
They're walking away. They're walking away. |
| [22:15.61] |
No,they' re not. They' re coming right at us. Run! |
| [22:21.55] |
-Are you okay,kiddo? -Yeah,I' m okay. |
| [22:24.32] |
AII right. You be good. |
| [22:26.39] |
Drive safe. |
| [22:29.93] |
-Mrs. Bing. -Mr. Geller. |
| [22:41.00] |
You mean that? |
| [22:43.27] |
Yeah,why not? |
| [22:47.01] |
So I told her. |
| [22:49.45] |
-How did it go? -Awful. Awful. - |
| [22:51.65] |
Couldn't have gone worse. |
| [22:54.32] |
-Well,how do you feel? -Pretty good. - |
| [22:59.19] |
I told her. |
| [23:00.86] |
Well,see? |
| [23:02.93] |
So maybe it wasn't such a bad idea, me kissing your mom,huh? |
| [23:07.43] |
But we don't have to go down that road. |
| [23:16.64] |
This is just the first chapter... |
| [23:18.94] |
...and I want your absolute honest opinion. Okay? |
| [23:24.18] |
And on page two,he's not reaching for her " heaving beasts. " |
| [23:29.79] |
She could have heaving beasts. |
| [23:32.42] |
Right,but in this case she doesn't. |
| [23:36.16] |
What's a " niffle"? |
| [23:37.49] |
You can usually find them on the heaving beasts. |
| [23:42.53] |
Okay,so I' m not a great typist. |
| [23:45.00] |
Did you get to the part about his "huge,throbbing pens"? |
| [23:49.61] |
You don't wanna be around when he starts writing with those. |
| [23:54.31] |
That's it. Give them back. |
