| [00:04.680] |
- Hi,guys. - Hey,Phoebe. |
| [00:06.580] |
- How did it go? - Not so good. - |
| [00:09.050] |
He walked me home and said, "Let's do this again." |
| [00:13.190] |
He said,"Let's do this again." That's good,right? |
| [00:16.390] |
Translated,"Let's do this again" means,"You'll never see me naked." |
| [00:22.000] |
|
| [00:22.830] |
Since when? |
| [00:24.540] |
Since always. It's,like,dating language. |
| [00:27.910] |
Like,"It's not you" means,"It is you." |
| [00:32.510] |
"You're nice" means,"I'll be dating alcoholics.. “ |
| [00:36.380] |
and complaining about them to you." |
| [00:39.480] |
"We should see other people" means: “ |
| [00:42.220] |
"Ha-ha,I already am!" “ |
| [00:45.390] |
Everybody knows this? |
| [00:47.790] |
Cushions the blow. |
| [00:49.130] |
Like your parents putting the dog to sleep.. |
| [00:51.600] |
and saying it went to a farm. |
| [00:54.130] |
That's funny. Because our parents actually did.. |
| [01:01.610] |
Ross? |
| [01:04.540] |
Hello! The Milner's farm in Connecticut? |
| [01:07.510] |
The Milners had this unbelievable farm. |
| [01:10.120] |
They had horses and rabbits to chase. |
| [01:12.880] |
And it was.. |
| [01:17.390] |
Oh,my God! Chi-Chi! |
| [01:22.030] |
The One With the Thumb |
| [02:12.710] |
How does it feel knowing you're about to die? |
| [02:15.850] |
Warden,in five minutes my pain will be over. |
| [02:19.350] |
But you'll live with the knowledge that you sent an honest man to die. |
| [02:25.000] |
|
| [02:25.390] |
That was really good! |
| [02:27.830] |
Thanks. Let's keep going. |
| [02:29.690] |
So,what do you want from me,Dimon? Huh? |
| [02:36.130] |
I just wanna go back to my cell, because in my cell I can smoke. |
| [02:40.000] |
|
| [02:40.370] |
Smoke away! |
| [02:55.320] |
I think this is why Dimon smokes in his cell alone. |
| [02:59.820] |
- What? - Relax your hand. |
| [03:02.130] |
Let your wrist go. |
| [03:04.130] |
Not so much! |
| [03:07.130] |
All right. Now take a puff. |
| [03:13.640] |
- Give it to me. - I'm not giving you a cigarette. - |
| [03:21.080] |
Now,don't think of it as a cigarette. |
| [03:24.280] |
Think of it as the thing that has been missing from your hand. |
| [03:29.000] |
|
| [03:29.090] |
When you hold it, you feel right. |
| [03:31.690] |
You feel complete. |
| [03:33.420] |
- You miss it? - No,not so much. |
| [03:37.400] |
All right. Now we smoke. |
| [03:42.600] |
Oh,my God! |
| [03:45.940] |
- Give me that! - No. You've got options. - |
| [03:48.040] |
You can smoke like this: |
| [03:49.840] |
- Chandler - Or hold it in your mouth. - |
| [03:52.280] |
Give me the cigarette! |
| [03:53.880] |
- You try. - Thank you. |
| [03:55.580] |
Okay,how's this? |
| [04:00.350] |
Okay,that's not bad. |
| [04:02.790] |
All right,when you're finished, it's cool if you flick it. |
| [04:08.730] |
All right,you keep practicing.. |
| [04:12.100] |
and I'll go put out the sofa. |
| [04:18.670] |
I thought it was foot size. |
| [04:21.110] |
No. It's the distance from the tip of a guy's thumb.. |
| [04:25.140] |
to the tip of his index finger. |
| [04:33.120] |
That's ridiculous. |
| [04:36.420] |
Can I use either thumb? |
| [04:39.590] |
I'd rather go with the foot theory. |
| [04:42.030] |
All right. Don't tell me. |
| [04:45.730] |
Decaf cappuccino for Joey. |
| [04:50.600] |
Coffee,black. |
| [04:53.270] |
Latte. |
| [04:56.610] |
And an iced tea. |
| [04:58.610] |
- I'm getting good at this. - Excellent! - |
| [05:01.850] |
Good for me! |
| [05:17.030] |
- You okay,Phoebe? - It's not worth |
| [05:19.860] |
It's my bank. |
| [05:21.570] |
- What did they do? - It's nothing |
| [05:24.040] |
I get my mail and open their monthly "statement." |
| [05:27.870] |
Easy! |
| [05:31.340] |
And there's $500 extra in my account. |
| [05:34.710] |
Satan's minions at work again! |
| [05:38.220] |
Now I have to go deal with them |
| [05:40.890] |
- What are you talking about? Keep it! - It's not mine. - |
| [05:45.090] |
If I kept it,I'd be stealing. |
| [05:47.130] |
But if you spent it, it would be like shopping. |
| [05:52.730] |
Say I bought a great pair of shoes. |
| [05:55.530] |
Know what I'd hear with every step? "Not mine. Not mine. Not mine." |
| [06:00.000] |
|
| [06:00.710] |
Even if I was happy and skipping,I'd hear: |
| [06:04.180] |
"Not-not mine. Not-not mine." “ |
| [06:07.110] |
We're with you. We got it. |
| [06:10.010] |
I'd never be able to enjoy it. It'd be this giant karmic debt. |
| [06:14.290] |
Chandler,what are you doing? |
| [06:16.890] |
What are you doing? |
| [06:21.260] |
Oh,gross! |
| [06:24.300] |
- What is this? - I'm smoking! |
| [06:27.030] |
You've been so good for three years! |
| [06:29.770] |
And this is my reward. |
| [06:33.670] |
Think about what you went through when you quit. |
| [06:37.080] |
Forget about you. Think about what we went through! |
| [06:40.850] |
So this time I won't quit. |
| [06:43.280] |
- Put it out! - I'm putting it out! |
| [06:48.550] |
I can't drink this now. |
| [06:54.930] |
I'm gonna go. I've got a date. |
| [06:57.200] |
With Alan again? How's it going? |
| [06:59.860] |
It's going pretty good. It's nice and we're having fun. |
| [07:04.200] |
When do we get to meet him? |
| [07:06.270] |
Let's see,it's Monday.. |
| [07:08.340] |
- Never. - Come on! |
| [07:10.210] |
Not after what happened with Steve. |
| [07:12.540] |
What do you mean? We love Steve. Steve was sexy! |
| [07:20.120] |
Sorry. |
| [07:21.320] |
I don't know how I feel yet. Let me figure it out. |
| [07:24.590] |
Then can we meet him? |
| [07:26.620] |
No. |
| [07:27.830] |
Sorry. |
| [07:31.860] |
Joey. Let it go. |
| [07:38.740] |
Why should they meet him? |
| [07:40.470] |
I bring a guy home and they're like.. |
| [07:43.740] |
coyotes picking off the weak members of the herd. |
| [07:47.880] |
Listen,as someone who's seen more than her share of bad beef.. |
| [07:52.000] |
|
| [07:52.480] |
I'll tell you, that is not such a terrible thing. |
| [07:56.490] |
Your friends are just looking after you. |
| [07:59.190] |
I wish that once I'd date a guy they liked. |
| [08:02.730] |
You realize the odds of that happening are slimmer.. |
| [08:06.530] |
- if they never get to meet the guy. - I know. - |
| [08:10.300] |
- Can't I whimper a little bit? - Whimper. - |
| [08:15.470] |
Okay,I'm done. |
| [08:18.780] |
Let it go,Ross. |
| [08:20.750] |
You didn't know Chi-Chi. |
| [08:26.550] |
- Do you all promise? - We promise. |
| [08:29.550] |
We'll be good. |
| [08:30.790] |
Chandler,do you promise to be good? |
| [08:41.500] |
You can come in,but your filter-tip buddy stays outside! |
| [08:55.350] |
"Dear Ms. Buffay. Thank you for calling. |
| [08:58.650] |
We've credited you $500. We're sorry for the inconvenience.. |
| [09:03.000] |
|
| [09:03.090] |
and hope you'll accept this football phone.. |
| [09:09.260] |
as our gift." Do you believe it? |
| [09:11.630] |
Now I have $ 1000 and a football phone. |
| [09:16.400] |
What bank is this? |
| [09:19.670] |
Okay,it's him. |
| [09:23.370] |
- Who is it? - Alan. |
| [09:24.780] |
Chandler! He's here! |
| [09:29.610] |
Do I look okay? |
| [09:31.380] |
One more button. |
| [09:33.020] |
Closed! How about closed? - |
| [09:36.000] |
- I didn't know. - Yeah. - |
| [09:39.320] |
Please be good. |
| [09:41.260] |
Remember how much you all like me? |
| [09:45.630] |
Alan,this is everybody. Everybody,this is Alan. |
| [10:04.050] |
I'll call you tomorrow. Thanks. |
| [10:10.620] |
Let's let the Alan-bashing begin. |
| [10:14.000] |
Who's gonna take the first shot? |
| [10:17.730] |
Come on! |
| [10:19.930] |
I'll go. |
| [10:26.540] |
I'm sorry,I can't do this. We loved him. |
| [10:30.040] |
We loved him! |
| [10:32.110] |
Wait! We're talking about someone I'm going out with? |
| [10:36.050] |
That pimento trick! |
| [10:37.720] |
I'll never look at an olive the same way again. |
| [10:41.220] |
And did you notice? |
| [10:47.890] |
Know what was great? His smile was crooked. |
| [10:51.100] |
- Yes! Like the man in the shoe! - What shoe? |
| [10:56.400] |
From the rhyme. |
| [10:58.040] |
There was a man With a crooked smile |
| [11:00.100] |
Who lived in a shoe For a while |
| [11:06.180] |
So I think Alan.. |
| [11:08.650] |
is the yardstick by which future boyfriends will be measured. |
| [11:13.000] |
|
| [11:13.020] |
Future boyfriends? |
| [11:14.420] |
- I think this could be "it." - Really? |
| [11:17.890] |
I'd marry him for his David Hasselhoff impression alone. |
| [11:28.400] |
- Know what I like most? - What? - |
| [11:31.740] |
The way he makes me feel about myself. |
| [11:57.260] |
How was the game? |
| [11:59.530] |
Well.. |
| [12:01.200] |
We won! |
| [12:04.640] |
Fantastic! Question. How is that possible? |
| [12:08.440] |
- Alan. - He was unbelievable! - |
| [12:10.910] |
Like the cartoon where Bugs Bunny plays every position. |
| [12:13.000] |
|
| [12:14.810] |
It was first base,Alan. Second base,Alan.. |
| [12:22.450] |
It was like he made us into a team. |
| [12:25.490] |
We sure showed those Hasidic jewelers a thing or two about softball. |
| [12:31.000] |
|
| [12:31.530] |
Can I ask a question? |
| [12:33.600] |
Do you think Alan is sometimes.. |
| [12:36.130] |
What? |
| [12:37.330] |
I don't know. A little too "Alan"? |
| [12:40.170] |
Oh,no. Not possible. You can never be too "Alan." |
| [12:43.910] |
It's his innate "Alan-ness" that we adore. |
| [12:48.910] |
I,personally,could have a gallon of Alan. |
| [12:59.360] |
- Hey,Lizzy. - Hey,weird girl. |
| [13:02.760] |
- I brought alphabet soup. |
| [13:05.430] |
I left in the Y's. Because,"sometimes Y." |
| [13:09.770] |
- And something else. - Saltines? - |
| [13:12.340] |
No,$1000 and a football phone. |
| [13:15.370] |
What? 什么? |
| [13:17.680] |
Oh,my God! |
| [13:19.540] |
- There's really money in here. - I know. - |
| [13:22.480] |
What are you doing? |
| [13:24.380] |
I want you to have it. I don't want it. |
| [13:28.220] |
- I have to give you something. - No,you don't - |
| [13:31.520] |
- Do you want my tinfoil hat? - No,you need that. - |
| [13:35.330] |
- It's okay. Thanks. - Let me do something. - |
| [13:39.600] |
I'll tell you what. Buy me a soda and we're even. Okay? |
| [13:44.000] |
|
| [13:44.600] |
- Okay. - Okay. |
| [14:47.730] |
Keep the change. |
| [14:49.930] |
Thanks,Lizzy. |
| [14:51.170] |
Want a pretzel? |
| [14:52.600] |
- No,I'm fine. Thanks. - See you. |
| [15:03.550] |
A thumb? |
| [15:07.050] |
I know. There it was, just floating.. |
| [15:10.320] |
like this tiny little hitchhiker. |
| [15:14.690] |
Maybe it's a contest. Like "collect all five." |
| [15:24.700] |
Don't do that. Come on! |
| [15:26.500] |
It's worse than the thumb. |
| [15:30.410] |
- This is so unfair. - Why is it unfair? |
| [15:33.410] |
So I have a flaw! Big deal! |
| [15:36.410] |
Joey's knuckle-cracking isn't annoying? |
| [15:39.250] |
Ross,over-pronouncing every word. |
| [15:41.620] |
Monica,who snorts when she laughs. I mean,what the hell is that thing? |
| [15:48.000] |
|
| [15:48.190] |
I accept those flaws. Why can't you accept me for this? |
| [15:58.700] |
Does the knuckle-cracking bother everybody,or just him? |
| [16:05.780] |
I could live without it. |
| [16:10.410] |
Is it a little annoying? Or is it like when Phoebe chews her hair? |
| [16:18.000] |
|
| [16:18.020] |
Don't listen to him. I think it's endearing. |
| [16:21.360] |
Oh,you do,do you? |
| [16:29.800] |
There's nothing wrong with speaking correctly. |
| [16:33.340] |
Indeed there isn't. |
| [16:38.110] |
I should get back to work. |
| [16:40.040] |
Otherwise someone might get what they ordered. |
| [16:45.880] |
The hair comes out and the gloves come off. |
| [17:04.270] |
Ever go out with a guy your friends really like? |
| [17:08.240] |
No. |
| [17:12.340] |
I'm going out with a guy my friends really like. |
| [17:15.810] |
Are we talking about the coyotes here? |
| [17:19.050] |
All right! A cow got through. |
| [17:23.590] |
Can you believe it? |
| [17:25.060] |
It's just,you know what? |
| [17:26.920] |
I just don't feel the "thing." |
| [17:29.930] |
They feel the thing. I don't feel it. |
| [17:32.760] |
Honey,you should always feel the thing. |
| [17:40.200] |
If that's how you feel about the guy, dump him. |
| [17:43.810] |
- It's gonna be really hard. - He'll get over it. - |
| [17:47.440] |
No,he'll be fine. It's the other five I'm worried about. |
| [17:52.750] |
- Don't you respect your body? - Don't you see what you're doing? - |
| [17:57.000] |
|
| [17:57.020] |
I've had it with your cancer, emphysema and heart disease. |
| [18:01.000] |
|
| [18:01.360] |
The bottom line is,smoking is cool, and you know it. |
| [18:09.100] |
Alan wants to speak to you. |
| [18:11.100] |
Really? He does? |
| [18:14.240] |
Hey,buddy! What's up? |
| [18:18.380] |
She told you about that,huh? |
| [18:21.310] |
Well,yeah. I have one now and then. Well,yeah,now. |
| [18:26.350] |
It's not that |
| [18:30.190] |
Well,that's true. |
| [18:34.460] |
Gee,you know,no one's ever put it like that before. |
| [18:38.860] |
Well,okay. Thanks. |
| [18:51.280] |
God,he's good. |
| [18:54.110] |
- If only he were a woman. - Yeah. - |
| [19:03.020] |
Lamb Chop! |
| [19:04.420] |
How old is that sock? |
| [19:07.930] |
If I had a sock on my hand for 30 years,it'd be talking too. |
| [19:14.130] |
I think it's time to change somebody's nicotine patch. |
| [19:22.240] |
- Where's Joey? - Joey ate my last stick of gum.. - |
| [19:25.240] |
so I killed him. |
| [19:27.780] |
Do you think that was wrong? |
| [19:31.420] |
- I think he's across the hall. - Thanks. - |
| [19:34.690] |
There you go. |
| [19:37.150] |
I'm alive with pleasure now. |
| [19:40.260] |
Phoebe,do you want the rest of that Pop-Tart? |
| [19:45.230] |
Does anyone want the rest of this Pop-Tart? |
| [19:49.600] |
Hey,I might. |
| [19:51.770] |
I'm sorry. |
| [19:54.040] |
The soda people gave me $7000 for the thumb. |
| [19:59.880] |
And on my way over here I stepped in gum. |
| [20:03.780] |
What is up with the universe? |
| [20:06.220] |
- What's going on? - It's just nice when we're together. - |
| [20:10.520] |
It's nicer when everyone gets to wear underwear. |
| [20:24.300] |
Please,guys,we have to talk. |
| [20:26.640] |
Wait! I'm getting a deja vu. |
| [20:29.570] |
No,I'm not. |
| [20:33.480] |
- We have to talk. - There it is! |
| [20:39.150] |
Okay,it's about Alan. |
| [20:41.150] |
Speaking of which,tell him we're on for the Renaissance Fair. |
| [20:45.000] |
|
| [20:45.890] |
Before you get into that, there's something you should know. |
| [20:50.000] |
|
| [20:50.760] |
There's really no easy way to say this. |
| [20:55.900] |
I've decided to break up with Alan. |
| [21:02.770] |
Is there somebody else? |
| [21:07.340] |
No,it's just.. |
| [21:09.450] |
you know,things change. People change. |
| [21:12.580] |
We didn't change. |
| [21:17.190] |
So that's it? It's over? |
| [21:20.760] |
Just like that? |
| [21:24.000] |
You let your guard down. You start to care about someone,and.. |
| [21:32.000] |
|
| [21:32.270] |
- I can go on pretending - Okay! - |
| [21:34.640] |
No. |
| [21:35.910] |
That wouldn't be fair to me,Alan, or to you. |
| [21:39.240] |
Well,who wants fair? |
| [21:41.450] |
I just want things back,you know, the way they were. |
| [21:47.620] |
- I'm sorry. - Oh,she's sorry. I feel better. - |
| [21:53.090] |
I can't believe this! |
| [21:54.830] |
With the holidays coming up. I wanted him to meet my family. |
| [22:00.000] |
|
| [22:00.730] |
I'll meet someone. There'll be other Alans. |
| [22:03.830] |
Yeah,right! |
| [22:09.840] |
- Are you guys gonna be okay? - We'll be fine. - |
| [22:13.610] |
We're just gonna need a little time. |
| [22:17.150] |
I understand. |
| [22:24.020] |
- Wow. - I'm really sorry. - Wow - |
| [22:26.690] |
Yeah,I mean,I'm sorry too. |
| [22:30.030] |
- But I'm a little relieved. - Relieved? - |
| [22:33.560] |
Yeah,well,I mean, I had a great time with you. |
| [22:37.770] |
I just can't stand your friends. |
| [22:46.480] |
Remember when we went to Central Park and rented boats? |
| [22:51.000] |
|
| [22:51.920] |
That was fun. |
| [22:55.150] |
He could row like a Viking. |
| [23:06.460] |
So how'd it go? |
| [23:09.330] |
You know. |
| [23:11.270] |
Did he mention us? |
| [23:17.670] |
He says he's really gonna miss you guys. |
| [23:27.080] |
- Rough day,huh? - You have no idea. - |
| [23:29.820] |
Come here. |
| [23:34.730] |
- That's it. I'm getting cigarettes. - No! - No! |
| [23:37.460] |
I don't care! I'm weak! |
| [23:42.070] |
If you never smoke again, I'll give you $7000. |
