| [00:09.18] |
Now, this might get a little personal |
| [00:11.92] |
Or a lot actually Parental discretion is advised |
| [00:19.91] |
When I was 10, shit, I believed I could fly |
| [00:23.61] |
I would just flap my fucking arms and meet with the sky |
| [00:26.80] |
And in my mind I would invision I was speaking with God |
| [00:33.30] |
And then I chop his fucking fist off and beat him with mine |
| [00:33.05] |
But this is just a fucking portion of the war with my mind |
| [00:33.69] |
So I'm a take you fuckers back into the vortex of time |
| [00:39.75] |
When I was 7 invision me at the bottom of stairs |
| [00:42.74] |
And I silently swear that this is the truth no falacy here |
| [00:45.78] |
See I was young man... I was just a toddler a kid |
| [00:49.17] |
And he wasn't the first to successfully try what he did |
| [00:52.31] |
He took me to the basement and after the lights would be cut |
| [00:55.64] |
He whipped it out in sight of my eyes and forced his cock through my gut |
| [00:58.88] |
See it was weird because I felt that I was losing my mind |
| [01:02.08] |
And then it happened like it happened like milions of times |
| [01:05.31] |
And I would swear that I would tell but then they'd think I was lying |
| [01:08.80] |
And now the power that he held was like a beacon in mine |
| [01:11.79] |
So now I got used to it, I put up with the shit |
| [01:14.97] |
And now my hate was so Vocanicly eruptive and shit |
| [01:18.27] |
But this is nothing 'cause I guess he told his friend what he do |
| [01:21.60] |
And they ate it up shit I was like a buffet for 2 |
| [01:24.64] |
And then it happened then at home where everybody fucking knew |
| [01:28.03] |
And they ain't do shit but fucking blame it on youth |
| [01:31.27] |
I'm sorry mom but I really used to blame it on you |
| [01:34.51] |
But even you by then wouldn't know what to do |
| [01:37.64] |
And now it happened so often that he was getting particular |
| [01:41.19] |
And I more scared every time I worked in my speed and ventricular |
| [01:44.53] |
One night he came home and I was asleep in my bed |
| [01:47.41] |
He climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs |
| [01:50.93] |
He told me |
| [01:51.89] |
"Hey ray, I see you like them popsicle sticks |
| [01:54.22] |
So put your mouth on my dick and suck and swallow the spit"***（ |
| [01:57.52] |
And I was confused but I was scared so I did what he said |
| [02:00.65] |
I had no idea the affect it would have on my head |
| [02:03.83] |
My heart was pumping it was stumping with like tons of my fear |
| [02:07.22] |
Imagine being 7 seeing cum in yo underwear |
| [02:10.26] |
I know it's nasty but sometimes I'd even bleed from my butt |
| [02:13.46] |
Disgusting right, now let that feeling ring through your guts |
| [02:16.59] |
I thought of offing myself I thought of killing these niggas |
| [02:20.24] |
Wanted to take a fucking brick and push their teeth through their liver |
| [02:23.27] |
Wanted to smash like the fucking world and burn it's leftover part |
| [02:26.41] |
Wanted to rip it out and just fucking step on my heart |
| [02:29.44] |
Then I grew up and I wasn't within a reach of these men |
| [02:32.83] |
But that didn't keep out of motherfucking reach of my sin |
| [02:36.18] |
And psychologically I was just as fucked as they come |
| [02:39.12] |
I was confused I had to prove I wasn't fucked from the jump |
| [02:42.45] |
I was afraid of myself I had no love for myself |
| [02:45.60] |
I tried to kill I tried to hide I tried to run from myself |
| [02:48.99] |
There was a point in my life where I didn't like who I was |
| [02:52.17] |
So I create the other people I would try to become |
| [02:55.37] |
Sexuality came into play and with as scarred as I was |
| [02:58.90] |
I was extremely scared of men so I start liking girls |
| [03:00.67] |
I started starving myself fucked up my bodily health |
| [03:05.58] |
I didn't want to be attractive to nobody else |
| [03:08.41] |
I didn't want the appeal wanted to stop my own growth |
| [03:11.60] |
But there's a fucking reason behind every scar that I show |
| [03:14.99] |
I never got to be a kid so that's as far as I grow |
| [03:18.63] |
My mental state is out of date and that's how far as I know |
| [03:21.67] |
My biggest problem was fear what being fearful could do and |
| [03:24.80] |
It made me run it made me hide it made me scared of the truth |
| [03:27.95] |
I'm not deranged anymore I'm not the same anymore |
| [03:31.04] |
I mean I'm sane but I'm insane but not the same as before |
| [03:34.63] |
I had to deal with my shit I had to look at my truth |
| [03:37.66] |
To understand that to grow you gotta look at your root |
| [03:40.81] |
I had to cut off the dead I had to make myself proud |
| [03:44.25] |
And I'm just standing breathing living proof look at me now |
| [03:47.49] |
I made it through everything I made you look like a clown |
| [03:50.63] |
I'm fucking great k fucking hate you nigga look at me now |
| [03:53.87] |
And I'm just saying this to tell you there's a way from the ground |
| [03:57.26] |
The makings of a legend is often hiden in thorns |
| [04:00.87] |
So just be strong and just move on and just accept what you can |
| [04:03.55] |
Because it makes your story better when you read it, the end |
| [04:07.46] |
That's the story of every scar that I show |
| [04:13.48] |
I made it out this a mean nobody's goten before |
| [04:16.82] |
I had to open my wounds I had to bleed till I stop |
| [04:20.06] |
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet |
| [04:23.34] |
I said I opened my wounds I had to bleed till I stop |
| [04:26.84] |
Thanks for joining me here as I cleaned out my closet |
