| [00:08.91] |
Look |
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They say the universe, it works in a strange way |
| [00:14.22] |
And it must be true because, |
| [00:16.19] |
We ain't from the same background or same place |
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But me and Lesley ended up on that same train |
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I'm talking everyday, I used to wake up around seven or eight |
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To catch the 9:06 from Norbury Station |
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Two different worlds in the same location and- |
| [00:32.57] |
One day we ended up speaking |
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And I would talk about college, she would talk about meetings |
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And how she's planning on leaving |
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How she hates what she does but she needs it |
| [00:43.02] |
I asked her what she was doing, it's the weekend |
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And she said, she said |
| [00:48.63] |
I don't know myself |
| [00:51.10] |
I don't know myself no more |
| [00:54.54] |
She used to be the life of the party for true |
| [00:57.02] |
And now she going out hardly ever |
| [00:59.68] |
Her man got her in the yard forever |
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And her friends wanna help but it's hard to tell her |
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Hard to let her know that her man's possessive and aggressive |
| [01:07.14] |
And she can't even see it, |
| [01:09.99] |
But for them it's clear as day, she's in a situation |
| [01:12.99] |
Her friend Hannah had a man that was manipulative |
| [01:15.67] |
So, she could see it from a mile off |
| [01:18.22] |
Turtleneck jumpers, makeup around the eye spots |
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All the signs were there |
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But Lesley made it seem a light affair |
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Said it wasn't right to share |
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Her boyfriend, he was a mystery man |
| [01:28.52] |
I didn't know much about him, but he's been in the can |
| [01:31.20] |
Name's Jason, he's a bad boy with no reasoning |
| [01:34.13] |
To be honest, I don't know what Les' sees in him |
| [01:37.08] |
'Cause she's a good girl with a sweet heart |
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But they've both got demons and a deep past |
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You know opposites attract, apparently |
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I never heard her talk about her family ever, uh-uh |
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He was all that she had |
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Until they had an argument and he stopped calling her back |
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And I don't know if there was more to the story than that |
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'Cause she plays things down but according to that |
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He went missing one day in the morning he ran |
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She's doing overtime, struggling affording the flat |
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'Til she, lost her job it ****** all of her plans |
| [02:06.17] |
Couldn't pay the rent, borrowing and calling for cash |
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But Hannah she was there for her, cared for her |
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When I saw Les' she told me |
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I don't know myself |
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I don't know myself no more |
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Les' saying, "I got nothing to live for |
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It's been raw, but David, I ain't never been this poor |
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There's no income, my boyfriend left me |
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So how the **** am I going to survive when this kid's born?" |
| [02:30.80] |
I said, "It's a blessing as mad as it is |
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And Les', I never even knew that you were having a kid" |
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Bro, she's four months pregnant, young and neglected |
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Single but I don't think she wants to accept it |
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So she's still texting exes trying to get this |
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Back on track but I don't think that she gets it |
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It's emotional obsession, clinical depression |
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Life is a lesson |
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And you ain't got to sit and cry |
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And Lesley, living in this gift called life |
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There's no better gift than the gift of life |
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So, can you handle it? |
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I don't know myself |
| [03:11.11] |
I don't know myself no more |
| [03:14.55] |
But that changed her perspective |
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Late in December, her baby's expected to drop |
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She's accepted, excited, electric, pumped |
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Only got to wait a few months |
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Her and Hannah had lunch |
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Told her she's pregnant |
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And they're the closest of bredrins |
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So she didn't stunt to tell her, I think that it's an error |
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You ain't a mum for a day, you're a mum forever |
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Whatever, and you and Jason break up whenever |
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If I'm honest that's something you should have done together |
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She doesn't know that her and Jason are going out again |
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And Jason doesn't know that Lesley's carrying a child for them |
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She had daydreams of settling down with Jason, |
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Better 'cause now they're together it's wild |
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Feeling like she needs to call her friends |
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And tell 'em 'cause while she's letting him down |
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But most of them are never around |
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She calls Hannah the next day |
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Still tryna figure out the best way to tell her |
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That she's getting back together with an ex-flame |
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So she left her a voicemail |
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Like "Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back? |
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I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that |
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I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back |
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I used to be so ******* confident |
| [04:21.60] |
But these days, I swear that-" |
| [04:24.29] |
I don't know myself |
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I don't know myself no more |
| [04:30.07] |
It's 3:30 Lesley was meant to get a scan |
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But today I think she's going home early |
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Tryna talk to Jason, tell him 'bout the kid |
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Addressing any reservations |
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Have that conversation |
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Middle of the summer and it's raining |
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Waiting at the train station |
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Hella cancellations |
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So she gets a taxi, sitting in a backseat |
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Blue jean jacket and a maxi |
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Actually, tired and her legs are aching |
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Touched the destination |
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Way faster than the cab driver's estimation |
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She put the key in the door |
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She, couldn't believe what she see on the floor |
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Some size five trainers, raging |
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Tears in her eyes, but it's cool |
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'Cause they must be the neighbors |
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And Jason's in the bedroom fully naked |
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Lesley running up the stairs but she's making noise |
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And she can hear Jason's voice |
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Saying "Hide in the closet" |
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But he's made his choice |
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So, she bursts in saying |
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"What kind of person would cheat on his pregnant girlfriend?" |
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Jason, saying "What the ****, |
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You're pregnant? What the ****? |
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You weren't even gonna tell me, I mean what the ****? |
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What do you want from us? |
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Nah, you ain't in love, you just wanna love" |
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Lesley telling Jason, "I don't wanna love |
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I don't want a you and I, I don't want an us |
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And also, I don't wanna talk loads |
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One more line before I dash like Morse code" |
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Open the wardrobe |
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And Jason's on the edge |
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"I just wanna see if she was prettier than me, slimmer than me |
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Maybe your baby's similar to me |
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Maybe you wanted someone thicker than me, fitter than me |
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To satisfy you quicker than me |
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I got your baby in my stomach and you did this to me |
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What did I ever do to you for you to finish with me? |
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I didn't believe my girls but they were thinking of me |
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And give it to me, the wardrobe, give me the key" |
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I was pulling up the door but Jason's bigger than me |
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Literally, I remember viscerally |
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Jason pulling from behind me now he's gripping on me |
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White flashes, eye gashes, when he's hitting me, see |
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I just wanted to disappear I wasn't living for me |
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Physically I shut the ******* doors quick as can be |
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He's outside asking why I made him do what he did |
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Using a kick to open up the room that I'm in |
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I'm feeling afraid, barricaded, with a chair in the handle |
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I'm hearing sirens but I just wanna run away but I can't |
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Jason's gone by the time police are comin' |
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They saw that ain't no one else in the house |
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And feds are running through the door shouting |
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"'We have reports of an argument with a woman' |
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There's blood all over the floor |
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And it's splattered onto the wall |
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Les-ley's on the bed and she's tryna speak to the feds |
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She's deep in the stress and his meter's above her head |
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If anything, she couldn't even say anything |
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But she's got this really sharp pain where her belly is |
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So, they call an ambulance, Lesley didn't plan for this |
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Police are in the room tryna find the missing piece of the puzzle |
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Until they stumble on something that's kind of random |
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It's a phone in the wardrobe |
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They had five missed phone calls from Jason |
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And also a couple other numbers |
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So they thinking that it's no help |
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Until they play the voicemail like |
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"Yo Hannah, it's Les' can you call me back? |
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I wanna talk about the baby, you, me, Jason, all of that |
| [07:30.62] |
I've been feeling like I need to get my aura back |
| [07:33.17] |
I used to be so ******* confident |
| [07:35.77] |
But these days, I swear that-" |
| [07:38.59] |
I don't know myself |
| [07:40.80] |
I don't know myself no more |
| [07:44.11] |
She felt sick to her stomach, she started panicking |
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Mind rattling, tryna understand what Hannah did |
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Battling the shame 'cause the situation embarrassing |
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She's tryna fathom it betrayed by her own garrison |
| [07:54.52] |
Meanwhile, she's on the bed tryna manage this |
| [07:57.33] |
Piercing pain in the stomach, she couldn't handle it |
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Now she's waiting for an ambulance |
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Look |
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And I know she's strong, but when I heard about |
| [08:08.78] |
What happened I was over-shocked |
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Her nose was gone, her jaw line shattered and rocked |
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They said her baby was the reason she was holding on |
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She dozing off, doctors getting no response |
| [08:18.44] |
Her heart rate slowing down and they don't know what's wrong |
| [08:21.16] |
Picked her up, got her out the home |
| [08:23.25] |
And onto the stretcher for good measures but she fading out, oh |
| [08:27.03] |
She took damage to the brain |
| [08:28.61] |
And now she's in a coma as we speak |
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But I ain't sure if she can make it out |
| [08:32.86] |
You see this time that I'm taking out |
| [08:34.38] |
To tell you the story is more than a song or track |
| [08:37.18] |
It's a message to a woman with a toxic man |
| [08:39.83] |
I'm begging you to get support if you're lost or trapped |
| [08:42.49] |
I understand that I can never understand |
| [08:45.17] |
And I ain't saying that it's easy but it must be right |
| [08:47.94] |
Some of your sisters, aunties, mums or wives |
| [08:50.83] |
Are ****** aside and they will never touch on why |
| [08:53.29] |
I'm touched 'cause I've seen women that I love though like- |
| [08:56.07] |
Cry little red tears through a bloodshot eye |
| [08:58.84] |
This ****'s awful, no matter what culture it ain't normal |
| [09:01.83] |
Men try and twist it, make it seem like it's your fault |
| [09:04.51] |
In that train full of people that you're taking |
| [09:07.51] |
How many Lesleys are running from their Jasons? |
| [09:18.53] |
Angel without wings |
| [09:22.87] |
Like the day without the night to bring her peace |
| [09:28.75] |
A song without a voice |
| [09:31.67] |
A spark without a flame |
| [09:34.40] |
A child without a name |
| [09:38.10] |
Oh, it's just wrong |
| [09:41.39] |
Like an ocean without a shore |
| [09:44.38] |
A soldier without a war |
| [09:47.43] |
How can we do this anymore? |
| [09:51.58] |
A song without a voice |
| [09:54.40] |
A spark without a flame |
| [09:57.30] |
A child without a name |
| [10:01.09] |
Oh, it's just wrong |
| [10:22.44] |
Well, we've made a massive amount of progress |
| [10:26.14] |
In this last year, haven't we? |
| [10:27.73] |
Feels like a long journey |
| [10:31.88] |
And I must say it's been a pleasure, |
| [10:34.59] |
To watch you mature and grow in thought |
| [10:37.72] |
And in your career and life |
| [10:39.95] |
You've opened up immensely |
| [10:42.95] |
I'd be lying if I said I wouldn't miss these sessions |
| [10:46.95] |
But you know, you can never stop learning about yourself |
| [10:54.11] |
So you're always welcome |
| [10:56.86] |
I'm just happy you're at a place now |
| [10:59.87] |
Where you feel you understand your emotions |
| [11:04.57] |
And are in control |
