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作曲 : Robert Lopez/Trey Parker/Matt Stone |
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ELDER PRICE: You all know the Bible |
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Is made of Testaments old and new. |
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You've been told it's just those two parts, |
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Or only one if you're a Jew. |
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But what if I were to tell you |
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There's a FRESH third part out there? |
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Which was found by a HIP new prophet |
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Who had a little... |
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Donny Osmond flair? |
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Have you heard of the All-American Prophet? |
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The blonde-haired, blue-eyed voice of God! |
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He didn't come from the Middle East like those other holy men |
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No, God's favorite prophet was... |
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All-American! |
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I'm gonna take you back to Biblical times,1823! |
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An American man named Joe livin' on a farm in the holy land of Rodchester, New York! |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: You mean the Mormon prophet Joseph Smith?! |
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ELDER PRICE: That's right, that young man spoke to God! |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: He spoke to God?! |
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ELDER PRICE: And God said: "Joe, people really need to know |
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That the Bible isn't two parts! |
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There's a part THREE to the Bible, Joe! |
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And I, God have anointed you |
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To dig up this part three that is buried by the tree on the hill in your backyard!" |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: Wow, God says go to you backyard and start digging, that makes PERFECT SENSE! |
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ELDER PRICE: Joseph Smith went up to that hill, |
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And dug where he was told. |
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And deep in the ground, Joseph found |
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Shining plates of gold! |
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JOSEPH SMITH: What are these golden plates? |
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Who buried them here, and why? |
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ELDER PRICE: Then appeared an angel |
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His name was Moroni- |
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MORONI: I am Moroni.... |
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The All-American Angel! |
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My people lived here long, long ago |
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This is the history of my race |
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Please read the words within' |
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We were Jews who met with Christ, |
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But we were... |
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But don't let anybody see these plates except for you... |
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They are only for you to see... |
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Even if people ask you to show the plates to them, DON'T. |
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Just copy them onto normal paper. |
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Even thought this might make them question if the plates are real or not, |
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This is sort of what God is going for... |
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ELDER PRICE: Joseph took the plates home, |
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And wrote down what he found inside |
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He turned those plates into a book, |
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Then he rushed into town and cried: |
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JOSEPH SMITH: Hey! God spoke to me and gave me |
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This blessed ancient tome! |
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He hath commanded me to publish it, |
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And stick it in every home! |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: Wow! So the Bible is actually a trilogy, |
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and the Book of Mormon is Return of the Jedi?! I'm interested! |
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ELDER PRICE: Now, many people didn't believe the prophet Joseph Smith. |
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They thought he'd made up this part three |
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that was buried by a tree on the hill in his backyard! (TOWNSPEOPLE: LIAR!) |
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But Joe said- |
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JOSEPH SMITH: This is no lie |
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I speak to God all the time, |
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And he told me to head west! |
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So I'll take my part three from the hill with the tree, |
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Feel free if you'd like to come along with me, |
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To the promised land! (TOWNSPEOPLE: The PROMISED LAND?) |
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JOSEPH SMITH: Paradise! |
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On the west coast! Nothing but fruit and fields as far as the eye can see! |
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ALL: Have you heard of the All-American prophet? |
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He found a brand new book about Jesus Christ! |
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We're following him to paradise; |
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We call ourselves Mormon |
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And our new religion is... |
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All-American! |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: Well how much does it cost!? |
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ELDER PRICE: The Mormons kept on searching for the place to settle down, |
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But every time they thought they'd found it, |
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They got kicked out of town |
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And even though people wanted |
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To see the golden plates, |
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Joseph never showed'em- |
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GOTSWANA: I-have maggots in my scro-tum- |
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ELDER PRICE: Um... okay. Well, anyway... |
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Now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad... |
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On the way to the promised land, |
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Mormons made people mad. |
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Joseph was shot by an angry mob, |
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And knew he'd soon be done.... |
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JOSEPH SMITH: You must lead the people now, |
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My good friend... Brigham Young. |
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Oh, God... why are you letting me die? |
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Without having me show people the plates |
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They'll have no proof I was telling the truth or not. |
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They'll have to believe it just... cause... |
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Oh! I guess that's kinda what you were going for.... |
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Blargggh... |
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ELDER PRICE: The prophet Joseph Smith DIED for what he believed in. |
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But his followers, they kept heading west. |
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And Brigham Young led them to paradise. A sparkling land in Utah they called... |
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Salt Lake City! |
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And there the Mormons multiplied, and made BIG MORMON families. |
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Generation to generation, |
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Until finally... they made ME. |
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And now it's MY JOB, |
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TO LEAD YOU WHERE THOSE EARLY SETTLERS WERE LEAD LONG AGO!!! |
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TOWNSPEOPLE and PRICE: Have you heard of the All-American prophet? (ELDER CUNNINGHAM: Kevin Price!!!) |
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The next in line to be the voice of God?! (ELDER CUNNINGHAM: My best friend!!!) |
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TOWNSPEOPLE and CUNNINGHAM: He's gonna do something incredible |
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And be Joseph Smith again! |
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Cause Kevin Price the prophet is... |
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All- All- All- |
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ALL-AMERICAN-! |
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ELDER CUNNINGHAM: If you order now, we'll also throw in a set of steak knives! |
